I’m not trying to be the best

Having a Rolo, and no, you can’t have my last one. Blah, I feel like crud today, but at least the day is passing quicker than yesterday did. I need to make my thoughts a little more coherent, my WomenGamers article isn’t making sense to me, and if it doesn’t make sense to me then no one is going get it. I think I have an inkling of what I’m trying to say, but it’s just not solidifying (as much as words are solid) on the screen for me. Bleurgh.

Why are we so competetive? The whole world, I mean. Everything has to be bigger, better, newer, most efficient, or whatever. Everyone has to get the highest score, except that there’s always someone who can get a higher score than you. I learned that back in public school. I was the best speller in my grade three class, but there were other better spellers than me in other classes, and in other schools. It never changes. The best is temporary, it’s only the best until something better comes along, or something different comes along and the old is forgotten.

I don’t want to be old. I don’t want to be forgotten. I don’t want to be the best, though. I just want to be good enough to be remembered, or good enough to have some sort of impact somewhere.

I just want to be someone.


  • samuraipunch

    May 19, 2000 at 10:02 am

    bigger, better, blah, blah, BLAH!!

    Ok well you could just be yourself, alot of ppl would rather have that, you be yourself 🙂

    as for being better than someone… why bother… reminds me of one of my FAVORITE CS levels… cs_openoffice that ran on the Corporate [1hit] Hideaway (loved that server) but basically i would do nothing other than change my name to “SuicidalJumper” and go base jumping off of the top of the building… hehe my best record on a 30 minute map was 0/53!!! and yes i was having tons of fun doing it too!! I’ll post the screenie of it… but im too lazy to upload it to my webserver… so I’ll do it later… ona 33.6k connection!!

    Oh well since it seems that certain ppl still dont wanna grow up in [JwG] guess you wont get to hear what I had to say… really did want to hop into IRC and say a few words before i split off of my schools T3…and go to a dial-up…


    • Jenny Lee Silver

      May 19, 2000 at 10:25 am

      Re: bigger, better, blah, blah, BLAH!!

      I’m not part of this JwG/sam thing. I’m not relaying messages to people, or getting into conversations about it, and I’m willing to bet that none of them read my journal besides Grindy. If you want to try opening a conversation with whatever individuals you’re talking about, just email them directly with whatever you have to say. Then at least you’ll know for sure. Or post in the forum. Whatever. It’s not my issue, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped bringing it up here.

      • mithoviel

        May 22, 2000 at 12:03 am

        Re: bigger, better, blah, blah, BLAH!!

        I wanted to note that I don’t discuss your journal entries among the clan…or anyone else for that matter…I read them selfishly for your introspection. I don’t want my presence inhibiting what you write…that’s all.

        • Jenny Lee Silver

          May 22, 2000 at 9:11 am

          Re: bigger, better, blah, blah, BLAH!!

          heh… so far I haven’t censored myself about anything related to that, so I wouldn’t worry about it starting now. I haven’t even asked Jay if he reads my journal, and I know I haven’t censored myself with that stuff either.

      • samuraipunch

        May 23, 2000 at 5:58 pm

        Re: bigger, better, blah, blah, BLAH!!

        Well i decided to seing by JwG’s IRC channel today for a friendly chat w/ some of you… well needless to say it went how i expected… Banned… hrmmm yeah great idea (dripping sarcasm) anyways… not like posting in the JwG’s UBB forum would be any more productive either…

        Well its good to see that JwG is once again living upto its reputation that its established for itself, good or bad makes no difference… I went into IRC w/ good intentions… its a shame to see that many members of [JwG] havent grown up, as i had hoped.

        anyways feel free to check the response it elicted from me on the
        >Stoogeville BB
        . you could also go read Grinds guest book and read the tidbit i left in there as well… or even my own site…

        Once again I’m sorry for having moved along in my life, and trying to renew some of the friendships i had… That i didnt have… SO much for being the good-guy…

  • eyean

    May 19, 2000 at 10:14 am

    >i just want to be someone.

    we all do. and i love that. dammit when we aspire of things as such, it makes us keep goals. like aping some ultra clean annoyingly nice role models. sorry, i don’t play that. i just wish i was a tibetan monk with a platinum hip-hop album. or a nun with a really devious secret. or a crane operator demolishing a building with an iron ball. yes. i want to be someone else.

    albert camus once said, “man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.”

    truth is sucky. cool but sucky.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      May 19, 2000 at 10:27 am

      No, I don’t want to be someone else. I just want to be someone who has impact. I’m pretty much satisfied with who I am, and I can change my surroundings easily enough if that’s what bugs me. I just want to resonate somewhere with someone somehow.

      • eyean

        May 19, 2000 at 10:42 am

        you are.
        i am suddenly envious.
        whatever satisfies.
        i’m curious.

        bon weekend. something tells me. bookmark her. a lundi ma ami.