What happens to the friends we leave behind?

I’ve been wondering for a while about the people I’ve lost.

I don’t mean people who have passed away, like grandparents and such. I mean the people who were my friends that, through my own inaction, have vanished. I don’t know how to find them anymore.

Heather – a friend in high school, she was the short redhead who was in love with Logan from the X-Men… I went to College, she went on an exchange to Australia, when she came back her & her mom moved to Richmond British Columbia… and now I don’t know where they are, and I’m not sure how to find them short of calling everyone with her last name in Richmond. Her brother went to school to study to be a minister. I think the last I heard from her was in 1995. I didn’t keep in touch… and now I’ve lost her.

Wendy – another friend from high school, and another redhead. We were in choir together with Heather… her brother was friends with my brother when we were kids… She moved to Smith’s falls, and I saw her only occasionally, and then I went to college and she was lost too.

Sally – the other member of our little group – she played flute and I called her Celina Marie (that was her name, and she didn’t like it much.) She was in church groups and she was really nice to everyone and she bought me a gourd for my birthday once… it looked like a tiny pumpkin. I gave her a beanbag frog that she named Sniffoos.

The three of us laughed a lot. We acted strange and silly. We had fun. They made high school bearable for me. And now I don’t know where they are…

Marilyn – my friend in grade 7, or 8, or 9 and on… I don’t even remember. She lived in South Mountain, and she and Sally didn’t like each other. When she decided that most of the people in our high school didn’t like her, she changed high schools, and suddenly she was someone, instead of someone people wanted to annoy. She was my friend, we used to put on face masques, and climb trees, and obsess about boys, and go to Rocky Horror together, and she was going to give me some of her ample bosom to supplement my lacking one. I heard a rumour a few years ago that she came to Toronto to go to college… I keep thinking I should look her up, but I don’t know if she’s actually here, if she was ever here, or if she’s gone somewhere else.

Now and then I wonder where people have gone… and why I let them disappear. It’s been 6 years since I left high school, and my friends from there. What keeps me from trying to find them? What would happen if I knew how to start? What if one day they were surfing the net and saw my homepage, or read my journal.

People are there when you need them… and sometimes people are only there for a minute, or a year, or a decade… sometimes they’re gone when you stop paying attention. Maybe they’ll be back. maybe they won’t. So many maybes.

Where are you now?


  • magicwoman

    May 26, 2000 at 1:18 pm

    From Previous Journal Entry

    PART I. I understand. It is just that I am tired and irritable after ten months too. And the major reason I am tired and irritable is that I don’t get the proper rest. Not that David hasn’t tried to go to bed at a decent hour – it just doesn’t work out. He has tried sleeping aids (and they don’t phase him) and I didn’t really want him to take any kind of drugs to sleep at night. The thing is, he is a night owl – I am not. And now that he isn’t working a day job, he doesn’t really have a reason to sleep during “normal” sleeping hours like I do (I work 8-5). Then you come up against the angst – I don’t want to change him about sleeping when he isn’t sleepy – but I am really tired and very irritable. He comments on it from time to time but he just doesn’t get it – that is the reason I am that way – lack of sleep for an extended period of time.

    • magicwoman

      May 26, 2000 at 1:18 pm

      Re: From Previous Journal Entry

      Part II: Then I feel the need to work as much overtime as I can get to help take up the slack. I agree with you – there are two options – tolerate or dump him. Well I don’t think dumping him is the answer because I think what if it were me? I wouldn’t want to be dumped just because I didn’t find a job immediately. But I can tell you this, I would have the house in tip top shape – no question about it. I have really stopped doing a lot of the chores I did before he lost his job and the house is just a wreck – but I refuse to do it all. We can’t invite friends or family over – just too disgusting for words. Then there are the times when I ask him to do something specifically and I get home and it isn’t done (I am not asking for the moon either). Something as simple as calling the cable company? Washing pots so we’ll have something to cook in that evening? The worst thing is when I come home and he just starts on any of those tiny things I asked him to do. Then I start feeling grumpy and out of sorts because then I feel like he is taking away from our quality time together by doing the thing I asked him to do (I feel like he should do that while I am at work). Oh, well. . . I also agree with you, I need someplace safe to vent and not put it all on him. You mentioned laundry – that is the only thing he does do without me asking him about – but it really secretly drives me crazy because he’ll only wash when he is down (literally) to his last pair of underwear or pair of socks (and he has tons of those) – so he doesn’t wash but – it seems anyway – about every two months. I am really glad to have found your journal – there really are other people out there in my same situation (and I wasn’t having a pity party though). Just nice to know . . .

  • Anonymous

    May 26, 2004 at 2:02 pm

    Marilyn (Lost is Found!)

    Hello! from jolly old Hull, Quebec. Rumour got it right for once I was in TO, but only briefly. Been in Ottawa-Hull ever since … hiding under a rock in the Classics section of the library at University of Ottawa mostly! Found Sally about a year and a half ago, found Heather’s brother Jeff last summer(fall?), Peter S. found me last year and is in touch with Wendy’s bro Mike, so maybe we will have a beer together sometime.

    Ciao! mar