Hmm. I was rambling about sex earlier, wasn’t I? Well then… I don’t particularly care what anyone tries to tell me about this, but I know from experience, no matter how much someone says that sexuality doesn’t really matter because there’s so many other things in the relationship that make up for it yadda yadda yadda… that’s bull. Part of being human is acknowledging your sexuality, revelling in it, not feeling guilty about it, and so on.
Fortunately, Jay has never said that sort of stuff to me, (and it would piss me off if he did)… he knows that it’s important. So do I… but that doesn’t make me want it more. So I feel guilty for not being a sexual enough being. It comes and goes, with me. And yes, he should understand that, and he does understand that, but it has to work the other way too… I should understand his side of it. It is an expression of intimacy, and part of the relationship, and it’s important… I just don’t know how to change who I am. I don’t really want to change who I am. I don’t want to go back to being a sexual automaton, either. But damn if I don’t feel guilty about it.
The whole thing just annoys me. I’m annoyed at people who caused me to be this way. I’m annoyed at myself for not knowing how to fix it. I’m annoyed at Jay for wanting more than I can give.
and then I feel guilty for being annoyed at Jay when really he just wants to share something that people as close as us are supposed to want to share. There is nothing wrong with what he wants.
is it time to go back to therp? *sigh*