There’s always me

I read all the journals at Marigoldzine and it occurs to me once again that I don’t feel like I’m one of them. I read the boards, I post to the boards, but I still don’t fell like it’s my place. Maybe I’m just not feministy enough. I’m envious of their friendships, too. Isn’t that a sin, envy? Well, I guess I’m going to hell then, cuz I’m envious of a lot…. I’m envious of Audra who runs Marigold, I’m envious of cyn over at I have a Secret, I’m envious of all the secret society people who are going to be meeting in Vegas in a little while, I’m envious of everyone who makes more than me, I’m envious of people who have a balanced relationship, I’m envious of people who can call where they live home… Damn, I’m so busy noticing what everyone else has and comparing them to me that I don’t even know what I have anymore.

At least I know I’ve always got me.

4 Comments

  • ginamoog

    July 3, 2000 at 4:23 pm

    Ahh jennylee

    And you is all that matters:) I used to be envious of people too, and that totally made me uhh I dunno, but I just stopped doing it, ya know?? I know what you mean about the boards and stuff, but I am just like whatever now.. Just be you and don’t try to hard (i know you don’t) 🙂

    I like jennylee!

  • Anonymous

    July 3, 2000 at 4:54 pm

    jen you rock!

    everyone says so!

    i think you’re awesome! you’re just going through a stressy time right now – likely not a good time to go analyzing your entire life 🙂

    take it easy, get the moving thing over with, and then think about deep things if you want.

    i have ALWAYS felt like an outsider. even at big family gatherings, birthday parties with tons of friends, whatever. i will Always be on the outside, at least in my own mind.

    being different is a blessing in the long run. truly.

    {{{{jennylee}}}}}

    i think you’re the bestiest.
    -cyn

  • rpgman

    July 4, 2000 at 9:33 am

    Sorry it took so long to respond to your post. My daughter asked to to lay down with her for a few minutes last night and that was the end of me. I woke up at 1:30am and transported myself to my bed.

    Back to your post, stop comparing yourself to others. I barely even know you but I do know that you can sing, play guitar and have a beautiful voice. You did a great job with the radio show on Sunday. From what I see, you have a lot going for you and I’m sure there is a lot more that I haven’t seen.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      July 4, 2000 at 11:39 am

      I’ve been down a lot lately… I get this way when I’m as stressed as I am right now. I know, logically, not to compare myself to other people, but sometimes it’s hard not to, especially when I know that there are people basing me on how they compare me to someone else (like… oh, say… apartment landlords who have to find a tenant…)