Incognito

I wonder why I have twinges of wondering, every so often, if someone I’ve recently met online is actually someone I know, who I’ve told to go away, who is lying to me and pretending that they’re someone else? This happened last week, although I had a damn good feeling about the fact that the person was lying to me. Found out a few days later that they were. I wasn’t surprised, but it got me wondering if my instincts will ever miss something like that.

I know who was pretending to be incognito during my radio show that night a few weeks ago, I had a hunch from the moment I did a /whois on them in irc, and the more little hints they dropped, the more things I did designed to get a certain reaction, and they reacted just as I thought they might. I never really had confirmation about it, but I know somehow. So now, every so often, I get a twinge of paranoia about people who I don’t know that well who have started chatting with me possibly being someone I actually know really well who is lying to me about who they are. I think my problem with it is that it feels like a violation – if you’re lying to someone in that way, you’re not respecting them at all, and that’s just wrong.

9 Comments

  • strange

    July 8, 2000 at 12:19 am

    Being Public

    Hey you. Please don’t take what I am about to say the wrong way. It is not meant badly, only as something to consider.

    By creating a LiveJournal, broadcasting an internet radio show and in general posting your thoughts, photos and ideas to the ‘net you are in a sense exposing yourself to the public. Now the public includes everyone, even those people who you don’t like. Unfortunately by choosing to be a public person, you are choosing to take the good and the bad. That’s what celebrity (even internet celebrity) is about. You can ask people to leave you alone and stay out of your life but anything you offer up for public consumption will be available to the whole world (even them), these are the risks we take and the choices we make when we decide to live public lives.

    Something to think about maybe.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      July 8, 2000 at 10:21 am

      Re: Being Public

      Ahh, but I don’t mind so much about the people who I don’t know… it’s when people from an old life start doing these things that it really pisses me off. The one who told everyone he was dead, I basically had no previous relationship with, it just annoyed me that he needed to draw attention to himself. The other one, well, has to do with what you already know about, and there’s a certain sort of repetitiveness to the whole thing, because they still don’t seem to get it. Not much I can do about it, I know, but it still pisses me off since I’ve heard promise after promise, and each one has been broken. And if the ex-from-hell ever finds me, well good. Let him see what I’m doing now, and that I haven’t fallen apart as he thought I would.

      • strange

        July 8, 2000 at 10:40 am

        Re: Being Public

        I am going to be honest here and I think you know I am not a bad person. But if an ex-lover / ex-friend of mine where doing something interesting online, yeah I would probably peek even though I knew they didn’t want me to. It is the old cookie jar thing, kids stealing cookies from the cookie jar when their parents are away because they know they wouldn’t be allowed to have them otherwise. I don’t think of myself as a bad person, but under those circumstances it would be pretty hard to resist. Curiousity killed the cat and sometimes the human too.

        • Anonymous

          July 8, 2000 at 1:05 pm

          Re: Being Public

          it’s one thing to peek into someone’s journal that they have freely posted online, and another thing to lurk in IRC pretending to be a stranger. one is looking at stuff which has been place in the open, the other is lying, or at least sneaky.

          i find it intrusive and rude, but as usual, that’s none of my darn business. 🙂
          -cyn

          • strange

            July 8, 2000 at 2:52 pm

            Re: Being Public

            I think I am going to quit this discussion while I’m ahead or at least while I still have my head. I it’s safe to say we’re on differing sides of the fence here. I think anything posted, hosted, or easily accessable to the public online is just that ‘public’, if someone wants something not public than that is what password protecting is for.

            I wouldn’t normally argue this side of the fence because I was stalked for two years and that was horrible and wrong but peeking is not stalking. As far as deception goes… show me one person who hasn’t lied and I’ll show you a liar.

            monica (who’s in this debate deeper than she wants to be)

          • Jenny Lee Silver

            July 9, 2000 at 12:41 am

            Re: Being Public

            Hmm… I’m not trying to be argumentative, I just need to try and put this down in words as clearly as I can for myself, since I’ve been thinking about it a bit recently, trying to figure out what it was that bugged me about the whole thing.

            Anyhow, I just have one last bit to say – as with the guy who lied about being dead (which is just rude) it’s the lying that bugs me the most. Call me idealistic (and I know I am) but it bugs me – I’m the girl who won’t even lie a little to convince landlords that I make more money than I do, which may easily be putting me out of a place to live and generally adding to all of my stress levels. Yes, I’ve lied – so has everyone – but not only does this involve lying, but it also involves breaking a promise… which I’ve learned to expect in this case. So I guess I’ll just get over it, since that’s what matters. I was just posting my thoughts about the situation, and why it bothers me – that’s the idea of a journal.

            I’m idealistic, and I want the world to be fair, even though I know it’s unrealistic to think that way, and it’s never once been fair to anyone I know, myself included. Doesn’t help that I still don’t have a place to live and I’m running out of options. Doesn’t help that I live with a depressed boy in a space smaller than most people’s living room. Doesn’t help that my job is boring as hell with quite probably no future and I’m starting to feel as though my income is the basis for everything that matters to people who have control over my life. So yes, I’m feeling off-balanced, and when people lie so blatantly it upsets me.

            It shouldn’t bug me that someone wants to go around telling people that they died, but it does. It shouldn’t bug me that someone I used to trust has broken enough promises to me that I no longer want any contact with them, but it does. I can’t be friends with someone who has broken my trust so many times, and every time in the exact same way… I don’t trust easily, and when that is shattered as thoroughly as this, it’s gone forever. And that should be the end of it. Fine, watch, listen, talk to my friends, become better friends with them than I am, but don’t intrude when there has been repeated promises saying that you won’t. Breaking the same promise repeadedly is not, and has never been, a successful way to regain my trust. Neither is lying to my face.

            Anyhow, I just needed to say that. I’m not trying to argue anything or draw you into it, and I don’t expect a response since you’ve already said that you don’t want to get into it anymore, it’s just really bothering me that you don’t understand why I feel the way I do, so I just wanted to try and explain it. It’s alsot 3:48 am and I’m trying not to be too incoherent. *hugs* Monica.

          • strange

            July 9, 2000 at 10:59 am

            Re: Being Public

            Dearest JennyLee,

            It wasn’t my intention to target you directly in the ‘Being Public’ thread. I was just explaining my personal views about the internet and the way it is used by the people who make up the world around us. As my friend Alex always says “the internet really is a hostile place, it just hides it well.” My points were about how I feel about the medium not about you or your situation with people in your world.

            You are a friend, a good one. Sure sometimes we have differing opinions on the world and that is a good thing because think of how boring life would be if we agreed on everything. Do I believe that the people who have done things to hurt you are right? No, usually not. I know you are a sensitive individual, someone who respects honesty and fairness more than anything else. I know this because we shared a house once upon a time, a house that had more than it’s share of strife and issues. Through all that I didn’t care what happened to me just so long as it didn’t happen to you because you had been through so much already. That is the kind of person I am and always have been. And I am sorry that life is not fair, if I could make it fair I would.

            The lines I walk and the things I believe in don’t make me care about you any less, they simply make me an individual. I think in time things at home and work will find a way of getting better, they usually do, life is like that. Things aren’t always easy here either but I have a great set of friends (yourself included) who always manage to drag me through. Just remember that you have a whole worldful of friends who are out here caring, sending you good vibes and ready to jump to your side and help at a moment’s notice. I know when things are rough it is hard to see the sun but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t shine in the sky. You will see the sunshine again JennyLee, I promise.

            monica.

          • Jenny Lee Silver

            July 10, 2000 at 9:23 am

            Re: Being Public

            Hiya… I know it gets better, and I know it’s been worse. 🙂 And it’s really good to have friends who stick around through it. I don’t think I’ve told you lately (ever?) how much I appreciate you, even if I don’t see you all that often. We should do something about that. ~j~

  • newtrip

    July 8, 2000 at 9:32 am

    lying…

    Jenny Lee, in my experience my own “feelings” or “instincts” or whatever you wish to call them have never let me down when it comes to that. So far it has happened to me about 5 times online and mostly it was ex-girlfriends pretending to be someone I didn’t know… It’s really interesting how you just know when this is happening.