Lacking in girls who are also friends

I need to go out for a tea and conversation with someone I can safely rant to, who won’t judge or advise, who’ll just listen and let me bitch. I.E. a girlfriend… isn’t that what girlfriends are for? Where are they, who can I talk to when I’ve just got to vent without feeling like I have to censor myself? I’m so bad at having / keeping female friendships, partly because circumstances keep me away from friends (How is Vancouver Island, Rachel?) or somehow the relationship becomes awkward or uncomfortable or judgemental because of some sort of tension (how are you doing, Linda?) or there’s just not enough time in any of our lives to be able to get together and go out for a chat or a walk, or even catch up on our lives or do silly girlie things that you just can’t do with a boyfriend (why is life so busy, Monica, Cyn, Belli?)

I guess I’m feeling kind of lonely for girl-type companionship. I know that, in august, I’m going to the Marigoldzine slumber party with the girls from there, and that should be fun, but to be honest it intimidates the hell out of me. After all, I’ve never really been ‘one of the girls’ – I’ve always been one of the guys. The girls didn’t know how to deal wtih me. But once in a while I really just want to be one of the girls, and I want to have girl fun and forget about reality for a while.


  • moonsis

    July 23, 2000 at 7:32 am

    Yes… Do I know what you mean…*sigh* 😉

  • magicwoman

    July 23, 2000 at 7:36 am

    Ranting is Not Always Safe!

    Boy I sure know what you are talking about JennyLee – I have absolutely no one that it is safe to rant to about relationship type things. My girlfriends are varied and when I have mentioned a couple of things about what is going on in my relationship with David – it hasn’t been the most helpful situation. They all want me to be happy (which no one can be 24/7). The advice (which is OK for them to give because they love me) but not the most helpful because I love David and have no plans to leave him any time soon (or ever).

    However, I have always been one of the girls – I have never had one tomboyish day in my entire life – but that is just part of what makes me – me.

    Believe it or not – I have been able to talk (in generalities of course) to people I have just met at bus stops – or the grocery store line. Of course that doesn’t help when I have another “rant” coming on and they are no where to be found because I haven’t a clue who they are!

    So, if you want to rant on my shoulder, go ahead. I might have a bit of experience advice – but nothing that says you are a bad person for feeling this way. You can rant to my e-mail address if you would like – Or not – but there are “girlfriends” out there who understand (or at least have some firsthand knowledge of boyfriend grief) and are willing to share a shoulder.

    Hope you have a beautiful afternoon. Here in Minneapolis it is so bright and sunny. David and I are planning to go to the Oak Street Cinema to see “The French Connection” and “Chinatown” – a double feature (I haven’t seen either one). It is a cool little theater over on the West Bank (University of Minnesota campus).

    • ginamoog

      July 23, 2000 at 8:42 am

      Re: Ranting is Not Always Safe!

      I so feel ya Jennylee.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      July 23, 2000 at 12:52 pm

      Re: Ranting is Not Always Safe!

      Thank you muchly… I think I’m about due for some sort of rant either written or spoken, but I keep holding back on it… probably not the best idea, but hey… For today, I’m just going to distract myself.

  • artyste

    July 23, 2000 at 9:36 am


    I must be “one of the girls”. I am always ranting. And I’m always finding that I just want that someone to go out for coffee/drink with and just shoot the shit. No advice, no expectations.. just pure talk, and when it’s done maybe a game of pool and retire to our respective places of dwelling for internet and sleep. I consider this kind of existence entirely satisfying.

    Sucks to be us. hehehe

  • Anonymous

    August 21, 2000 at 11:42 pm

    I’m ok.

    Sometimes it’s easier to walk away completely from the situations and people that cause pain… even tho the cost may just be the female friendships that were once very close… yet then life seems tinged with shades of sorrow and regret. Especially when it’s no longer a 15 min walk to go get some tea and rant with the first real girlfriend since HighSchool. Wish I knew why I am so bad at female relationships myself. L.

  • Anonymous

    September 8, 2000 at 12:14 pm


    unfortunately, I think I ave a good reason why it is hard to have open, available, honest, trusting relationships with your gals. my theory is that this is next to impossible in long-term scenarios simply because in the dim recesses of our minds, us grrrlz are at war. we pit ourselves against eachother, and are always sizing up, comparing, judging how we fit against the pretty thing across from us. it is bred into us from birth, and it sticks with us through life. and it is tough to break free from. fucking jealousy, man. be aware, love the boys and girls you have, and don’t surrender to the blah-ness.