Damnit! I’m so annoyed right now that it’s not even funny. Doesn’t help that I hit my head on a metal support beam outside of work today, I guess, but I’ve had enough. I’m so sick of this. Jay promised me that he would sort the laundry so that we could go do it tonight. It’s long overdue. He’s also been promising to help with packing, and do stuff during the day when I’m at work, since he’s here, and he never does. He hasn’t at all. And then when I get home and ask him why he didn’t do anything, he tells me that I’m panicking too early, or that he forgot. I asked him last night if I should make him a to-do list for the day, then maybe he’d get the stuff done that he said he would, and he just gave me this hurt look like I was out of line to say it. Fuck that. I know I’m not out of line, and I know I’m not asking too much of him to just clean up sometimes, or maybe help me out, or even just something as simple as go out and find more empty boxes in case we don’t have enough. And when I try to talk to him about it, he starts feeling sorry for himself, and going on about how he’s bad, or whatever. Well FUCK feeling sorry for himself, that accomplishes nothing, and doesn’t make the situation any easier on anyone. I’m sick of making up reasons why he’s not working, or why he’s not helping out at home. I may be the world’s most patient person, but even I have limits, and I’m starting to hit them. Things have to change. He tells me that things will change when we move…well, that’s less than a week from now, so why can’t they change a few days earlier? What the fuck is up with that?? I’m tired of hearing from people how I should give him a kick in the ass, get him motivated, give him an ultimatum, etc… I’m tired of sticking up for him when I shouldn’t have to. I’m tired of people telling me to dump his ass because I’m too nice. I’m just so tired of all of this.
I come home from work tonight, expecting him to at least be dressed. I didn’t really expect the laundry to be done. And since he didnt’ stay up all night last night like he did all last week, I didn’t think he’d be sleeping. I get home, open the door, and where do I find him? In bed sleeping, not even close to being half-dressed. The laundry isn’t sorted (like that’s a tough job) and the dishes aren’t done (not that I asked him to, but he could help out once in a while…) Everything that’s packed for the move, I have packed. All the boxes are ones that I either brought home from work, walked around to stores to find, or actually bought because he didn’t go find any on Friday when I asked him to. Now I’m sitting here, writing this in my livejournal (and livejournal is down, great) and he’s not even waking up to the extremely loud sound that my keyboard makes when I’m typing while pissed off. And oh yes, I’m definitley pissed off.
I don’t talk much about my relationship in my journal – mostly because I don’t want to go into it and get all the same advice from strangers that I already get from friends/family. I just need a place to rant, and I don’t want advice, because all I will do is defend the situation more. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I will. I’m so tired of the unbalanced aspects of this relationship… I really am.