The Top 15 Better Methods of Choosing a New President
15> Double-Elimination Whack-A-Mole Tournament
14> Round-robin “Magic: The Gathering” tournament, ’cause if there’s anyone who can beat my black and blue deck with three Hypnotic Specters, two Sengir Vampires and a Mind Twist, I’d totally vote for them.
13> “Hottest Daughter” contest
12> “Bathroom’s on the right, Governor. Fill this cup, please.”
11> A simple formula: IQ – BJs – DUIs = POTUS
10> The candidates engage in a game of chess, and the first one to have an aneurysm trying to figure out how to play loses.
9> Have Regis Philbin host “Who Wants to be the President?”, but make the questions a bit easier.
8> Nationally-televised tickle fight!!!
7> Simple: whichever candidate gives me the most cash in small, unmarked bills gets *my* vote.
6> “Welcome to the White House Kitchen Bake-off! I’m your host, Emeril Lagasse. Ready to kick this election up a notch?!”
5> The winner is the author of the #5 entry on today’s Top 5 List, of course! Bow to me, puny commoners! Bring me your women and cheese!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!
4> The candidates stand apart and call to the current president’s dog. Whoever the dog comes to wins.
3> “Little Mr. President” Speedo swimsuit competition
2> “No, Governor Bush. Scissors do NOT cut rock.”
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Better
Method of Choosing a New President…
1> “Whosoever shall pull the King Clinton’s sword out of the intern shall be the rightful President of these United States.”