I feel entirely apathetic lately. Or lately, rather… I have no energy. This morning the thought occurred to me that I’d rather get hit by a truck that was speeding towards me at the time than come in to work. I wasn’t serious, but the thought did cross my mind. It used to happen all the time, when I was a teenager and when I was in college. That, however, is giving up completely, and I’m not ready for that.
Jay asked me last night what my dreams are. I told him I didn’t have an answer, but he didn’t believe me. Maybe I’m afraid to think about it. Maybe I always have been. Apparently I’m no good at being a mindless atomaton, since it drives me insane.
I called my therp yesterday. Left a message on her voicemail. Hopefully she can see me before I go out west. This funk is getting worse.