I always feel worst at the beginning of spring and the beginning of winter. I wonder why that is? It’s cold and windy out, but still no real snow. Maybe I’ll feel better when the snow flies. Maybe I’ll feel better when I can see mountains. I know I’ll feel better, it’s just a matter of when and why.

It’s so easy to make people think I’m doing great… I’ve always lied about how i’m feeling – I did in high school, I did in college until I broke down… people don’t get that close to me unless I let them. Some people see through it. I can think of three offhand who would see through any sort of face I put up, if they met me on the street today. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I could fool anyone if I wanted to. I’ve been told that’s why I slipped through the system in High School – why they never noticed that there were things going on that shouldn’t have been.

Like a dream you try to remember but it’s gone
Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn
when you try to see the world beyond your front door
Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile
When you realize that a guy my size might take a while
Just to try to figure out what all this is for

You don’t know how long I’ve been trying to figure out the second half of that chorus… I found a lyric site that has it, though…

I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same…

1 Comment

  • Anonymous

    November 22, 2000 at 2:11 pm

    I just made you say ‘underwear.’

    school is funny that way – you only get attention if you really excel or really fail at something. that way, if you stay quiet and don’t draw focus to yourself, you can slip through the cracks real easy. and it’s sad to know that it happens to kids all over the country. poor lost souls. I was one too.

    I guess the question is why we let ourselves be invisible…. what kind of reprecussions did we fear? sigh.

    hugs to you, j.l.