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Someone just mentioned something from the Friendly Giant in the Secret Forums, and I could see the show in my mind again. I loved that show.

It kind of hit me strangely the other day, sitting in the car with mom as we were driving somewhere to go shopping (it seems that’s all I do here in Vancouver…) I’m twenty-four. It’s not that I feel old, or anything like that. It’s just that I remember being nineteen and looking at my 24 year-old sister, thinking that she was so together… she knew what she was doing, and she was going somewhere and had plans and ideas and freedom. I envied her knowing what she wanted. I envied her going for it. I didn’t really know her then, and I still don’t know her now. We never were close.

It was strange, though, for me to realize that I am 24. I’m as old now as she was when I thought she had it all figured out. I’m as old now as my mother was when she already had my older brother. I’m twenty-four, and I thought I would know what I wanted from life by now. I know that some people don’t figure it out til they’re fifty, and some people know when they’re six. That doesn’t make me feel any better.

I haven’t written a poem in a year. I haven’t written an article in six months. I haven’t written any prose in about that long, either.

But hey, I’m good at sitting here and looking cute, so that should make me feel better.

I wanted to bge a psychologist once. I wanted to listen to people and help them understand why they feel the way they do. I wanted to help people. At the time I only wanted to help people so that I could avoid dealing with myself. Once I figured that part of it out, I decided that going into psychotherapy was a bad idea for me at the time. I haven’t thought about it much since, because I’m still messed up and I’m not really able to help anyone else the way I am now.

1 Comment

  • Anonymous

    December 4, 2000 at 12:24 pm

    aging

    for every year I’ve lived, it feels like it should account for two. like I’m really 40 on the inside.

    I think hardly anyone ever has it ‘all together’ -if they did, there would be a lot more happier folks, and a lot less problems with our world. part of the spice of existence is made up of these things: chance, luck, fate, good timing AND being cute 😉

    Yeah, it sucks…. but I think I’d rather not know until it happens. keeps me on my toes. whee! predetermination for sufferers of ADD! 🙂

    -jinx