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Sometimes…

sometimes…

sometimes i just want to scream at the world, Pay attention to me, look at me, help me for a while, i can’t do this on my own, i’m falling apart, i’m not as together as you think i am, even if you think i’m not together at all, and while i’m not about to just give up any time soon i feel like i’m going to shut down and no one will notice if i’m gone so why don’t you just look at me once for a moment…

i know it doesn’t work that way. i’ve never been one to ask for help, because it never seemed forthcoming, and what help did come never seemed the right kind. i know that no one can save me, i gave up that idea years and years ago. the only person around who can help me is me. you can be there, you can support me, you can give me a shoulder to cry on just in case i ever ask for it, but in the end it always comes down to just me.

even with all the different me’s in my mind, it still gets a bit too lonely, a bit too quiet…

sometimes…

7 Comments

  • brianlee

    December 6, 2000 at 5:22 am

    Hey bud

    You know my friendship has always been available to you right? I don’t press you more to talk because I really don’t like people who do that myself.
    Please feel free to look me up and say Hi when you need an ear OK?
    Please take care Jen.
    Your friend always
    BL

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 6, 2000 at 7:54 pm

      Re: Hey bud

      Thanks BL… I never know what to say to people anyhow. It’s never been one of my strong points, really.

      • brianlee

        December 6, 2000 at 8:02 pm

        Re: Hey bud

        I know what you mean.
        I r/l I am a complete wall flower. A social inept completely.
        I am only slightly better on line.
        Just wanted you to know you had a friend.

  • bleedingheart

    December 6, 2000 at 8:31 am

    You always have a friend in

    and that will never change
    YOUR FRIEND
    GREG

  • daruba

    December 6, 2000 at 11:23 am

    hey Jenny. I’m with BrianLee, you can always dump a load on my doorstep.

    I consider us friends.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 6, 2000 at 7:58 pm

      Thanks daruba… I’m not so great at unloading on people. Much better at it with paper. I should learn otherwise someday, it might be much easier.

  • Anonymous

    December 6, 2000 at 1:07 pm

    prod for friends

    so you can see by the previously entered comments that you have a vast support network. and as good as that is, I truly know how one can be surrounded by the purest love and still feel alone. I didn’t like this feeling. so I found a loophole in the ‘to proud to ask for help’ system. and cuz you’re so wonderful, I’ll share it with you and see if it works.

    I picked one super, emotionally-strong person from my circle of friendship (who also happens to be my boyfriend, but this is to be done with EXTREME caution!) and told them everything. even the stuff that hurts your mouth when you speak the truth. then I picked a phrase or saying that I could use whenever I was crashing – that way I could let them know I needed them without actually saying ‘pay attention to me’ and feeling selfish.

    people I tell this to usually ask ‘why don’t you let your buds know how tough it is for you?’ well, my reason is simply. I honestly think they wouldn’t be able to deal with me, my thoughts, my sketchiness. Not because they’re bad friends, but because craziness has a way of infesting others and I didn’t want to expose my loved ones to it.

    I think this is the longest post I’ve ever, well, posted. let me know what you think, j.l. no pressure to actually give it a go…. just a suggestion, and a sharing time for me! 🙂

    -jinx