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My friend Neal (aka Gigantor!) emailed this to me yesterday… I was amused. I laughed, in fact. It sounds rather familiar… especially that bit about the snowplow…

DEAR DIARY

August 12
Moved to our new home in Canada. It’s so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.

October 14
Canada. It is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colours and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 11
Remembrance day. Deer season starts soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here.

December 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snowplough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. We love Canada.

December 12
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. It’s beautiful here but I’m exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snowplough.

December 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I have got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snowplough hides around the corner until I’m done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

December 25
Merry Fucking Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the fucking ice.

December 27
More white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can’t go anywhere, the car’s stuck in a mountain of white shit, and it’s so frigging cold, The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28
That fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the shit this time. At this rate it won’t melt before summer. The snowplough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already broken six shovels shoveling out all that shit he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his fucking head.

January 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get some food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had exterminated them all last November.

May 3
Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that fucking salt they put all over the roads.

May 10
Moved to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada.

3 Comments

  • bob

    December 6, 2000 at 7:56 pm

    ahahahaa

    fun-e

  • ex_oki86

    December 7, 2000 at 5:55 am

    And you want me to move out to Toronto?!?!

    You’re CRAZY! hehehe.
    =D

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 7, 2000 at 1:45 pm

      hehehehe toronto’s not all that bad… except when they call in the military, but that’s completely different! 🙂