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I wrote this in response to a thread at I have a Secret‘s Forums. It’s in the ‘Reveal Yourself’ topics list. Go look, and post if you’d like.

Five years ago, in December, I was 19. I was living in an abusive relationship, I was in group survivor therapy just starting to learn how to heal, I was on Prozac, and I was in my last year of College in a city that I despised.

Five years ago, in January, I walked out on the abusive ex with as much as I could carry. I took myself off the prozac, because all it ever did was make me numb, and I didn’t want to be numb anymore. The survivor therapy ended. Strange gave me a place to live at 4am. I spent the next four months living day-to-day, trying to find a place for myself, trying to just survive the ex’s wrath and fury. Trying to survive myself. Living in a haze of unreality.

Now I’m in a real relationship with someone who respects me and treats me well. I’m 24. I never did pass that one course in college. I had too much else to deal with. I’m working, though, and it’s not retail, which I thought I might never escape. I’m living in Toronto, where I never thought I would be. I haven’t been on meds since that January. I’m trying to make something of my life, even if I don’t know what it is yet. And I’m trying to ignore the fact that I’m more sick than I’ve been in years. I’ve made it this far. I’m not letting go now.

4 Comments

  • qtkat

    December 12, 2000 at 11:56 pm

    (((JL)))

    your still off of Prozac? How many ml were you taking?

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 13, 2000 at 11:42 am

      I don’t even remember anymore… it’s kind of a hazy period, and it feels like a lifetime ago now… I haven’t been on anything since.

  • johnboze

    December 13, 2000 at 8:34 am

    JL, you still have all of us out here across the ether who all love you too!

    {{{{{Jen}}}}}