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Where are the days when I could go out for coffee with someone and talk deeply, intimately even, about myself, my life, what I wanted, what was going wrong…

Nowadays I’d rather just listen to someone else, because whatever I have to say is gone the moment I have the opportunity to say it. Which isn’t often. Is it that the friends I did this sort of thing with are gone? Is it because I’ve changed? Is it because of my expectations of myself that I can’t talk to people anymore.

I think I should maybe look into my expectations of myself. I don’t know what they are, off the top of my head, but I’ve been feeling so disappointed for so long that I think they must be around here somewhere.

1 Comment

  • charlyse

    December 16, 2000 at 4:08 pm

    doubt?

    Sometimes when we think of the road we are traveling and then run into the speed-bump of self doubt < --(stupid analogy =) ) we tend to withhold feelings in conversation for fear of seeing more reasons for self depreciation. This is very much true when we are under the weather because we do not feel strong, thinking is cloudy etc.
    This may sound odd but to assist in bringing myself out of similer doldrums I re-read a comment I made in my journal and then affix it to a conversation with a friend. Sometimes I get back blank stares and sometimes I start a wonderful conversation.
    The desire is to share so I may enlighten people near my life and in turn, hopefully, bring out some of their confidence and insight to help enlighten me.
    And if all it does is make them lucid enough to drive carefully then I have helped myself if I am going to be on the road at the same time as they are.
    Selfish? Nah, just rearranging and filtering my thoughts through others so I may possibly keep on, for another day, feeling normal.
    peace.