The anti-holiday…

Jay & I are doing the things we normally do on a Saturday. We’re supposed to go to his dad’s – probably doing that tomorrow. Then we’re supposed to go with his brother up to see the other part of his family in Thornbury. Thornbury is the middle of nowhere, by the way. Remind me to bring some books… these people are not my family, and I don’t know what to say to them any more than they know what to say to me.

I woke up this morning with a headache that isn’t leaving. I’ve actually been up since 10:30 this morning, but I just vegg’d on the couch all morning.

Christmas isn’t a big deal this year. It hasn’t been a big deal for a while now… it used to be when I was little. We never celebrated much in a big way except Christmas, and boy howdy did we celebrate christmas… never in a religious sense, and when we even touched on the religion parts of it I got uncomfortable, but it was about doing things to make each other happy, giving gifts that people loved, being allowed to find enjoyment in receiving things instead of having to feel guilty for actually getting something when there isn’t enough money for it…

Jay’s dad is really nice, and so is his brother. That should be a pretty laid-back visit. I’ve pretty much had my christmas already with Mom & Merv, so I’m just going along to be with Jay. I’m not getting anything from Jay until we go out and buy it… he wants me to pick out the model and make that I want, since I actually know more about cameras than he does and he doesn’t want me to be disappointed in anything he gets me… Like I would be, but hey. I’m a bit disappointed that he hasn’t got anything for me as a little surprise, something special that he picked out that he thinks I would love… I’m really trying to not be disappointed, though. I love the gift he’s giving me, but that romantic sappy part of me wishes that there would be something under the tree for me, from him, that is a complete surprise, that I don’t know anything about. That’s what I love about Christmas… the surprise, the pleasure people get out of giving someone something they’ll love. At least, I love giving someone stuff that I think they’ll love… it makes me incredibly happy. I just don’t if anyone else feels that way too. Most of me isn’t disappointed, but that little part of me is. Who knows, maybe I’ll be proven wrong in my assumption.

My head still hurts.


  • talashandy

    December 23, 2000 at 10:53 am

    Disappointed Romantics Unite!


    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 23, 2000 at 11:37 am

      the trouble with libras…. *sigh*


      • talashandy

        December 23, 2000 at 12:21 pm

        I am beginning to see that….lol

  • Anonymous

    December 23, 2000 at 11:11 am


    good afternoon j.l. 🙂

    so you’re writing about Jay (or Ray – isn’t that annoying?!), and it seemed the perfect opportunity to ask something that’s been bugging me awhile. does your boy read your journal? I just kinda wonder, because I don’t see how he could scan your sometimes-sadness and not change his attitude towards you, or check in with you during those late night weepy moments.

    and besides, if you’re ever fighting or happen to be bitching about him, does he get upset? does he answer? or are you lucky enough to have someone that gives you your venting space and doesn’t take it personally?

    phew. anyways, Merry Ho-Ho to you and your admirers.


    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 23, 2000 at 11:18 am

      Re: question

      He reads it… sometimes, anyhow. He tends to catch up after a few days, so he doesn’t catch my moods specifically as they’re happening sometimes. There is stuff that he brings up, and a lot of things if they’re really bothering me I will talk to him about them… sometimes I just need to put them down in writing first so I can understand what I mean, rather just be a jumble of vague, directionless emotions.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      December 23, 2000 at 11:39 am

      Re: question

      And a happy Moo Beer too! 🙂