My former therapist told me that I probably wanted to take time off because I wanted to be taken care of for a while to make up for the times when I wasn’t taken care of. She said I can’t go back to that. She told me that the next job I find, I will probably just do the same thing that I’ve done in every other job I’ve had – like it for a little while, then find some reason to hate it, even though there’s no valid reason for me to do so.

I guess it’s wrong to want to be taken care of. So they keep telling me, anyhow… doesn’t matter, I don’t react well to it on a long-term basis anyhow. I don’t like being overly dependent on someone, because that’s what happened with the Ex-From-Hell, and that turned out horribly. It won’t last long… I like being self-sufficient. But I still don’t know how to find a job that I don’t hate. I don’t even know what kind of job I would like to do.

I never let it be okay for me to cry.