Untitled

Maybe it’s time I go through all of my stuff and thin it out some. Bria’s doing it. I have too much stuff. I get attached to my stuff too much. Yes. I have too much stuff.

Trying to remember the Ice Dream. I know it. I know it. I can picture it… it was a repeating nightmare that someone had… but who, and where? It’s driving me mad. It may have been Rand Al’thor… or was it a Marion Zimmer Bradley thing? No… Stephen R. Donaldson, maybe? But those are all books I don’t have anymore, so I can’t look it up… I just can’t remember. What did I do with those Donaldson books? They must have been sold in the ‘I need food and bus fare’ stack… along with Shannara and the Dragon Reborn books. I forget. I suppose it’s good that I forget, or else I would mourn the loss of stuff way too much. There are still things I miss, but they’re just things… I don’t seem to want to let them go. Things represent memories for me… without a tool to remind me of the memory, I lose forever… and sometimes, memories are all I’ve got left.

Suddenly I’m stabbed with a feeling… I want a dad again. Not my dad, he wasn’t ever really dad… just a dad. Daddy I’m scared, can’t you save me from the monsters under my bed? Daddy I’m lost, can’t you come take me home and give me a blanket and hot chocolate with marshmallows by the fire? Daddy I’m lonely can you sing songs to me and chase away the darkness?

It’s not right to want that, though. I’m 24 now. I’m not daddy’s little girl, and no one is going to take me in their arms and just hold me and hold me and hold me and not ask for anything more. There never was before, why would there be now?

12 Comments

  • ginamoog

    February 19, 2001 at 10:55 pm

    I know what you mean about the daddy thing. I wish I had a real daddy growing up too. Now I am glad I didn’t, in a way.

  • ginamoog

    February 19, 2001 at 10:55 pm

    I know what you mean about the daddy thing. I wish I had a real daddy growing up too. Now I am glad I didn’t, in a way.

  • ginamoog

    February 19, 2001 at 10:55 pm

    I know what you mean about the daddy thing. I wish I had a real daddy growing up too. Now I am glad I didn’t, in a way.

  • ex_oki86

    February 20, 2001 at 5:17 am

    Take a look at this review that a LJ friend of mine did in regards to Silence of the Lambs… and the next entry she made as well.

    Can any of that apply?

  • ex_oki86

    February 20, 2001 at 5:17 am

    Take a look at this review that a LJ friend of mine did in regards to Silence of the Lambs… and the next entry she made as well.

    Can any of that apply?

  • ex_oki86

    February 20, 2001 at 5:17 am

    Take a look at this review that a LJ friend of mine did in regards to Silence of the Lambs… and the next entry she made as well.

    Can any of that apply?

  • orien

    February 20, 2001 at 8:58 am

    vanyel in the last herald mage by mercedes lackey had the ice dream…

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 20, 2001 at 9:05 am

      That was it. I still have those books. I’ve read them about four times each. Those ones are in the ‘I’m not getting rid of these’ category. Thanks…

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 20, 2001 at 9:05 am

      That was it. I still have those books. I’ve read them about four times each. Those ones are in the ‘I’m not getting rid of these’ category. Thanks…

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 20, 2001 at 9:05 am

      That was it. I still have those books. I’ve read them about four times each. Those ones are in the ‘I’m not getting rid of these’ category. Thanks…

  • orien

    February 20, 2001 at 8:58 am

    vanyel in the last herald mage by mercedes lackey had the ice dream…

  • orien

    February 20, 2001 at 8:58 am

    vanyel in the last herald mage by mercedes lackey had the ice dream…