IT’s snowing out. I like it… much nicer than that brown goop left over on the streets when it hasn’t snowed in a few weeks.
Speaking of triggers, someone hit one of mine the other day, and that’s why I disappeared for a bit. Now I’ve lost a level of trust in someone, only because they unknowingly hit me with something that knocked me over and tore me apart for a while. I think I’ll keep out of things for a while now, because I can’t afford to drive people away. At least, not people I respect and trust, since they are few and far between at the best of times.
It’s something that never totally goes away, and that makes me angry some days, and tired other days. There are always triggers that I’ve forgotten about or haven’t discovered yet, hidden somewhere underneath the ones I’ve learned how to deal with. Somewhere underneath the layers of broken spirit I’m hiding out from the world, and I keep peeking out to see if it’s safe, and then running back inside myself where it’s dark and safe. I feel like there will always be more triggers, no matter how much I learn how to deal with myself it will always be some form of work, but I guess that’s the nature of my existance. It’s part of who I am, and I don’t think that’s something horrible and wrong.
Oh well… Fneu and such. I’m doing better today.