It occurs to me that maybe I should be trying to get on a proper sleeping pattern, and I have tried to do so recently, but it’s not working. No matter what time I go to sleep, the earliest I can wake up on days when I don’t have to be somewhere in the morning is 11:30, and lately it’s been closer to 1:30 in the afternoon. This, in turn, causes me to stay awake for longer into the night because I’m just not tired.
The thing is, what am I trying to get on a normal sleeping pattern for? What’s the purpose of that? For when I get myself another job? Is it worth it to lose sleep and not let myself get what my body seems to need on the chance that I may have a job soon? What if I end up getting a night job? Then this sleeping pattern I’m on is perfect.
I’m really only trying to justify it to myself, I think… and yet I don’t feel as though I need to even do that. For now, I need to sleep, and I will sleep when I can, rather than lie awake staring at the darkness, knowing that I won’t be able to sleep for hours. That’s just frustrating.
I don’t even have a clock in here besides the computer, which isn’t on all the time. I have no idea what time it is unless I’m on the computer. Usually, after I go off the computer in the evening, I read until I feel like I’m going to pass out, so I’ve no idea what time I actually get to sleep.
Time has no meaning and the days have no names. It can be this way for a while, but not forever. It’s almost time for the next step. I just have to figure out what that is.