First of all, I’m still sick and I feel crappy. My nose is all red from too much blowing and wiping of it. My throat is still dry and sore, my cough is still rampant, and no matter how much water I drink I feel dehydrated.
Secondly, my ongoing inability to trust anyone (which reads directly as believing that everyone who pays any sort of attention to me right now just wants something from me, barring a very small number of people) is creating a huge hole in my life. I’m the one creating it, so I deserve it I’m sure. And the people who try too hard are the most suspect, the way I’m seeing things right now.
So, try too hard and I push you away. Don’t try at all and I assume you hate me. I’m really not worth the time when I’m like this. There’s too much on my mind that I can’t even begin to get into, really.
My friend T saved me for a while today… he was in the area, drove over and picked me up and took me out for some food and tea. It was very nice of him. We chatted for a while (well, he chatted and I coughed a lot.) It was better than being alone with my thoughts, right now. I’m kind of messed up.