Untitled

First of all, I’m still sick and I feel crappy. My nose is all red from too much blowing and wiping of it. My throat is still dry and sore, my cough is still rampant, and no matter how much water I drink I feel dehydrated.

Secondly, my ongoing inability to trust anyone (which reads directly as believing that everyone who pays any sort of attention to me right now just wants something from me, barring a very small number of people) is creating a huge hole in my life. I’m the one creating it, so I deserve it I’m sure. And the people who try too hard are the most suspect, the way I’m seeing things right now.

So, try too hard and I push you away. Don’t try at all and I assume you hate me. I’m really not worth the time when I’m like this. There’s too much on my mind that I can’t even begin to get into, really.

My friend T saved me for a while today… he was in the area, drove over and picked me up and took me out for some food and tea. It was very nice of him. We chatted for a while (well, he chatted and I coughed a lot.) It was better than being alone with my thoughts, right now. I’m kind of messed up.

8 Comments

  • toosweet

    April 14, 2001 at 9:42 pm

    been there, done that, felt it all, **hugs** cause i know ya need them

  • toosweet

    April 14, 2001 at 9:42 pm

    been there, done that, felt it all, **hugs** cause i know ya need them

  • ex_oki86

    April 14, 2001 at 10:13 pm

    Yes, I want something from you.

    As a friend,
    I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

    Fair enough? =>

  • ex_oki86

    April 14, 2001 at 10:13 pm

    Yes, I want something from you.

    As a friend,
    I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

    Fair enough? =>

  • lordremo

    April 14, 2001 at 11:13 pm

    All of us want that

    I want you to feel better about yourself, to be in better health and spirits.
    I want you to find a job that makes you comfortable and brings stability to your life. I want you to realize how talented and special you are, and how much you entertain all of us out here. Lastly I just want you to be easy on yourself; sometimes you judge yourself too harshly. I know I don’t respond enough to your posts… I’m just too preoccupied these days. But I’m still here. If I may inquire, I haven’t seen you mention Jay recently. Things okay there?

  • lordremo

    April 14, 2001 at 11:13 pm

    All of us want that

    I want you to feel better about yourself, to be in better health and spirits.
    I want you to find a job that makes you comfortable and brings stability to your life. I want you to realize how talented and special you are, and how much you entertain all of us out here. Lastly I just want you to be easy on yourself; sometimes you judge yourself too harshly. I know I don’t respond enough to your posts… I’m just too preoccupied these days. But I’m still here. If I may inquire, I haven’t seen you mention Jay recently. Things okay there?

  • sirreal13

    April 16, 2001 at 6:22 am

    It’s hard to say the right thing electronically. E-mail is a flat medium and it’s hard to tell when someone is trying to emphasize the important stuff. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk, but my boss or spouse would probably be suspicious…

    I have to confess that I haven’t been much of a friend, lately, and am not totally aware of all the bad stuff that is going on in your life. I’ve been neglecting everyone equally, so don’t feel slighted. I was without internet access for three days last week, and I paid >$16 for long distance to try to catch up Thursday…

    You’re in our thoughts, even when you may think we don’t care. I may not know how to help, but I will keep trying in my own inept way, within the limits of geography and technology…

  • sirreal13

    April 16, 2001 at 6:22 am

    It’s hard to say the right thing electronically. E-mail is a flat medium and it’s hard to tell when someone is trying to emphasize the important stuff. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk, but my boss or spouse would probably be suspicious…

    I have to confess that I haven’t been much of a friend, lately, and am not totally aware of all the bad stuff that is going on in your life. I’ve been neglecting everyone equally, so don’t feel slighted. I was without internet access for three days last week, and I paid >$16 for long distance to try to catch up Thursday…

    You’re in our thoughts, even when you may think we don’t care. I may not know how to help, but I will keep trying in my own inept way, within the limits of geography and technology…