Wherein I am not fun

I feel like, since Jay isn’t talking to me at all, hasn’t been on irc at all, hasn’t emailed me at all, I should just disappear.

The hurt comes from being completely ignored yesterday, when other people got to be taken aside to talk to privately. It comes from emails I’ve sent never being replied to. Then from not being informed of what was happening when things got confused. Maybe I should get my own cellphone. Maybe I should stop trying to be friends with girls. It’s been proven to me over and over and over and over again that I can’t do it.

How do I not take it personally when I feel completely ignored?

Monica, I’m sorry. Everyone else, I’m also sorry. Go have fun. I am apparently not fun. In fact, I blow things out of proportion, take too much personally, and am convinced that Jay hates me by now. He must. I’m an idiot. I have been expecting to see him at every event this weekend, and haven’t. I figure he’s avoiding me. There isn’t any other reason for him to skip out on stuff. There’s no one else he needs to avoid.

God forbid I should post my immature, hurt feeling privately. Jesus christ, I even said they were immature. They don’t last forever. But I needed to vent. That’s what that was.

God forbid I should have hurt feelings.

3 Comments

  • bob

    April 21, 2001 at 10:15 am

    {{{{{{{{{{JL}}}}}}}}}}

  • lurker

    April 21, 2001 at 11:51 am

    *sneaks in to hug his friend whom, although they haven’t actually chatted in a long time, he still cares for*

    I hope things work out for the best.

  • lordremo

    April 22, 2001 at 12:40 am

    You are setting the rules, so why are you upset?

    You’ve said you didn’t want posts of encouragement, that you are on a lonely path, that you need to figure out this new life of yours. This obviously is new and different for your friends as well. But when you or your actions contradict what you tell us, it takes alot to comprehend and try to assist you in your wishes. If Monica and the others are friends with Jay, then realize they are struggling with this too. It seems as if your funk is distracting you from using a broader perspective. You’ve asked for understanding from your friends; I’m sure they just want help with the same.