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Exhausted…

Had a wonderful weekend. People are good. Air is good. Water is good. Pictures are good. It’s a beautiful world sometimes.

Casinos, on the other hand, are one of the most interesting places to watch people that I’ve experienced in some time. And they keep those slot machines tuned to a major chord that, as a musician, I could not ignore. My brain wanted to explode by the end of it. I lost money (two dollars of my very own money!) in the nickel slots and wondered how people could spend days in front of those machines pushing buttons, making bets, losing money… My addictive personality apparently does not transfer itself to gambling. Interesting experience, not something I would do more than once every couple of years… it was more like a psychology experiment to me. Observing people is so interesting…

All in all, though, it was a great weekend. Haven’t spent a better Canada Day weekend in years. Thoughts about family floating around my mind… I’ve been trying to remember the last time we all got together, the last time we had a family gathering of any sort, with more than two or three of us… and I can’t. It was probably Christmas of 1996 or so, and that was the most strained and uncomfortable family Christmas ever.

That lead me to start thinking about family gatherings that weren’t strained and uncomfortable… and I can’t remember what that was like. I know we had happy times… I know there were good holidays, and I know we weren’t always uncomfortable and strained, but I can’t seem to remember anymore. Did we talk over each other at the table? Did we even sit at a table? Did we play games together and laugh? Yes, I remember games… Trivial Pursuit, Risk, Mille Bournes… Did we talk about religion or philosophy or psychology or old friends and family members? I don’t think so, we were never that introspective.

It’s strange to miss things that you’ve never really had. I appreciate what I did get from my family, good and bad – it’s all made me who I am… but that doesn’t keep me from sometimes missing things I never had. And it makes me want to create them in my life now. Incentive to find things that make me happy.

4 Comments

  • Anonymous

    July 2, 2001 at 10:12 pm

    casinos

    yeah, they’re an experience alright….. but somehow, after working ten hours in the smoke and greed and noise (damn the major chord!), those interesting people and their interesting addictions turn into rather frightening figments of capitalist manipulation. I don’t know how I can stand it.

    anyways, glad you’re back, glad you had fun. continue to do so 🙂

    -jinx

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      July 3, 2001 at 5:12 am

      Re: casinos

      No way could I ever work in one… we talked about that when we were walking around in there. Insanity! I don’t know how anyone could manage it.

  • triggerhappy

    July 3, 2001 at 6:22 am

    I found myself quickly bored the one time I was in a casino.
    At first it was kinda cool and interesting. And then….I wondered if video games were around someplace.

    If a machine’s just gonna take my money, I’d at least rather beat/blow up/shoot things. heh

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      July 3, 2001 at 6:37 am

      Yeah… we started thinking the same thing, actually. We never found any video games though.