Where are you? Where am I? What is it about tonight that just makes me want to cry?

tomorrow I go into the hospital for an appointment with a heart specialist. I don’t know if he’s going to do tests on me besides the usual ECG – he might set me up with that weird mapping out of my nerves tomorrow, or he might not. I’ve no idea. I just know I show up at 11am and get an ECG, then go talk to him at 12. I don’t like hospitals much. I kinda wish someone was going along with me to keep me company, but I’ll deal. No need to drag someone else to a hospital to wait around for who knows how long.

I’m so tired, in so many ways. All I want is for someone, somewhere to tell me what I do next, even though I know it doesn’t work that way. All I want is someone to say that I’m on the right track, whatever that is, or that it will work out, which I already know somehow. All I want is something to work out right for a change, and to know that I’m actually worthwhile, or talented, or good enough to be even bothering to try. All I want is to learn.