In just overr a month, I will be 25 years old. I imagine it’s not the best idea for me to get into this right at this moment… but I don’t really feel like talking myself out of it. And this is going to completely leave out my personal life…
Five years ago, in late August, I moved to Toronto. I had finished school, but not acquired that piece of paper they call a diploma. I was on welfare, and working in my industry – volunteer, of course. I worked for an artist manager. I pretty much managed the office admin for him, and did sound for their live performances, and sold cds side-stage for the band. That was in London, Ontario, though.
So in late August I moved to Toronto with stars in my eyes. I couldn’t find a job (even a retail one) in London… so I moved. It took me a month and a half to find a job at The Bay, a department store. I was hired into the luggage department as part-time Auxiliary Christmas help… and they just never let me go. At least, not until I chose to leave.
By May of the next year, I was offered another retail job at a musical instruments store – Long and McQuade. There I worked for a year and a half, selling guitars and flutes and trumpets and recording equipment and anything else they told me I had to sell. It wasn’t too bad, for being retail.
Then I was hired at an online music database site to make mp3s for them. I stayed there for just over a year, changing jobs within the company until I was a project co-ordinator. No one really told me what that meant, or what I had to do. It wasn’t really a great job, but I thought it was better than retail… it certainly paid better. And I thought I was moving up on some sort of career ladder that would take me places.
Then I couldn’t deal with the utter tedium of the job anymore, so I quit. That was this year, in January. Unemployed was I for months, until I started doing temp work in May. And that hasn’t really worked out so well either.
So now, five years after moving to this city that was supposed to be it, I sit wondering why the hell I’m still here… because the only things I’m qualified to do are office support work (which bores me to tears) and retail work (which kills my ankles and burns me out after a while.)
And I thought maybe I could save up and go to school… except that without a job, saving up doesn’t happen. And I’m tired of being here. This is the longest I’ve been anywhere, save Iroquois when I was a teenager… and I kept moving around within the city just to try and find a place I could be happy. The beaches was nearly right… but I got tired of that eventually too, and left after 2 1/2 years.
What, honestly, keeps me here anymore? My illusions of Toronto have disappeared. I wanted to be here because I thought here was better than there… except that it isn’t. It never is. And it may not be a solution, wanting to move on to some completely new place where no one knows me… but that doesn’t stop me from wanting it.
Plenty of work in Toronto… just none for me. Unless I go back to retail. And that takes me back five years. That’s pointless.