A note to women who think if they felt pretty they’d feel better about themselves in general.

It’s a lie. Don’t believe them.

I know I’m pretty. I’ve used it to my advantage on occasion. That’s a benefit of knowing that you’re pretty, I guess, as long as you don’t over-use it or something.

Being pretty, knowing you’re pretty, has no impact on the rest of your self-image. If you think you’re a failure, being pretty doesn’t make that feeling go away. If you feel like you can’t accomplish anything, being pretty doesn’t encourage you to try. If you feel like people are rejecting you, being pretty doesn’t make them stay. If you’re depressed and suicidal, being pretty won’t help you in the least. If you start to believe that all people want you around for is sex, being pretty is your enemy. If you feel like no one will hire you with your skillset and experience, being pretty will not get you a satisfying job.

So for those who believe that somehow, if only they were confident about how beautiful they were, their lives would be better… just don’t believe it. It’s not true. Pretty people are still fucked up. They still get depressed. They still can’t find jobs, they still feel rejected by friends and guys they’re interested in. They still think they’re never good enough. They still cry themselves to sleep at night sometimes. They still hurt. They still die.


  • jerronimo

    November 5, 2001 at 11:06 am

    Well said.

    Everyone is human.

    Even game show hosts get depressed.

    • Anonymous

      November 5, 2001 at 11:25 am


      Even Alex?!


  • strange

    November 5, 2001 at 11:37 am

    I agree with you on that but speaking from personal experience as the homely kid that everyone teased and beat up at school everyday, I feel much better about myself now that I have grown out of that awkward stage. I have never again suffered depression anywhere near as bad as I did during that point in my life – never been anywhere close to suicidal again.

    I guess the thing is, growing out of awkward helped me get the self-esteem to try all those things that I thought I would fail at before. Once I knew that I would no longer be judged / mis-judged by my homely appearence, it began to allow me to feel like I actually had a chance at some of the artsy things I aspired to. But in the end no matter what you look like, it is the things you do and the things you aspire towards which will make a life full. Beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes.

  • mysticprincess

    November 5, 2001 at 12:00 pm

    I believe understand what you’re trying to say: That being pretty doesn’t fix things, it’s who you are that counts, not what you look like. However, that’s not what your initial statement says (and I quote)

    “A note to women who think if they felt pretty they’d feel better about themselves in general.”

    That actually is true. If you feel pretty, you really do feel much better about yourself. Take me, for example. I was extremely unpopular growing up. I was pretty, but my brother (Mr. Popularity) and his friends kept telling me I was ugly, and that made me feel ugly, which in turn made me feel bad about myself. After all, why were people being so mean to me if I wasn’t ugly? As I got away from my hometown (and the people who kept calling me ugly), I began to realize that I wasn’t ugly. New friends saw pictures of me when I was in grade school, jr. high, high school and would ask why I didn’t want them to see the pictures because they thought I was pretty, both now & back then. It took a while, but eventually I realized that I am pretty. Then I started to feel pretty. And when I started feeling pretty, ta-da, I felt better about myself in general. And though I’m still not what you’d call popular, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Because I feel good about myself. And when I feel pretty, I am pretty.

  • justheather

    November 6, 2001 at 1:42 am

    from my experience, JL is correct

    i feel pretty. people tell me that i’m pretty. and when i was younger, i didnt feel that way; i felt quite the opposite.

    ironically, however, i am more depressed now than i ever was then. although i think i am intelligent, and i think i am pretty, it doesn’t seem to help my outlook on life. feeling confident about myself has not given me much optimism at all.

  • cyn

    November 6, 2001 at 5:46 am

    very well said.

  • knightwizard

    November 6, 2001 at 5:51 am

    Actually, I think the opposite is true: If you have genuine self esteem, you’d actually feel “pretty.” If that makes any sense. Suffice it is to say, it’s hard to find a woman with self confidence who doesn’t seem attractive. I think it has more to do with the positive vibes she gives off rather than actually being attractive.