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Here is your horoscope for Friday, September 13:
Your feelings are true. Your wisdom is genuine. Calendar age serves only as a marker for what you’re experiencing at this moment in your life. It takes all kinds to make a winning team.

All kinds, eh? Well, this kind is tired and hungry and really tired of being hungry. This can’t go on anymore. If I’m not working, I need to know well in advance so I can use that time to make money in other ways, like selling crack to puppies or something. I need to know so I can start panicking early about how far behind I am. I need to know so I can figure out how much less I have to eat for the next month to afford to live. I need to know so I can tell a coffee shop or somesuch other backwards career step what my availability is like, not that they’re likely to hire me since I’m a bit overqualified at this point to be going back to the service industry, but there’s not much else I can do on a part-time basis.

Not that I’m feeling stressed at all. Not me. I’m SuperFneu.

I’m nearly 26 and I’ve been out of college for five years now. You’d think I’d be past the eating ramen and plain rice experiences by now.