So stressed out

The house today is just dripping with tension. I don’t know what I can do about it, and it’s making me very jumpy and uncomfortable, and more antisocial than usual. And of course there’s always more than one issue happening… oh the joys of living with your boyfriend’s parents. :/

First, Adam’s mother seems to think that I hate her because I don’t spend time with her doing things one-on-one, and I don’t have much to say to her in general. Anyone who knows me knows that women make me nervous… and they know that I have a higher tendency of not saying anything and letting other people talk as much as possible. It’s just how I am, I don’t like to talk about myself that much, and I don’t do small talk at all well. If I need to work something out, I either write it all down or I talk to one of very few people. After they drag it out of me.

The thing is, I’m not much of a daughter. My mother and I used to hang out like friends, I never much felt like we were your traditional mother-daughter relationship thing, and we didn’t do girlie things or anything… we just talked sarcastically at each other and sat around saying nothing a lot, because we didn’t really need to talk about things to be together. Oh yeah, and we drank lots of tea.

I don’t hate Adam’s mother. I have no reason to. But I’m just not comfortable being myself around her, the same as I don’t feel comfortable around Adam’s friend Lana, and lots of people who were friends of friends back in Toronto.

And then last night Adam’s dad said something to him that I thought was entirely unnecessary, insulting, and hurtful. So Adam’s upset about that, rightly so I think, and it’s caused all sorts of tension in the house where no one wants to be around anyone else because they’re all upset. And I’m stuck in the middle of family politics that I don’t know how to deal with.

I would really like my own home again.

All I can do is try and be more outgoing with Adam’s mother. At least I can have an effect on that situation, even though I know it’ll be hard and I’ll feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. Uncomfortable is better than this headache-inducing stress.

3 Comments

  • laquira

    March 18, 2003 at 3:41 pm

    Oh JennyLee…I know how difficult it is to be “outgoing, and sociable”…
    Both of us brood far too much 🙂
    I know I get nervous around women because I don’t find them genuine at all and I can’t pretend to like someone if I don’t..

  • lafemmezilla

    March 18, 2003 at 5:52 pm

    I’m the same way on the social scale. I’d much rather have one quiet person around than 10+ talkative ones. Or even 5+. I tend to drown in the sea of voices.

  • ex_oki86

    March 18, 2003 at 5:56 pm

    😐

    Tell Adam that I’ll be sending the letter back to him this weekend. I’m trying to sort a lot of things out right now. I got Virginia to sign it as well as a witness… I just need to get the time out to send the letter out. I should be able to do that this friday.