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I’m glad Radar’s doing okay.
I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with the crowds and chaos of the Toronto SARS benefit today.
I’m glad the SARS benefit went relatively problem-free.
I’m currently reading Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, which is so far a very good book.
I’m on page 87 of aforementioned book, and I think I’m going to have to buy a copy of it for myself someday.
I’m working almost every day from this past Sunday until the 23rd of August.
I am unhappy with Universal Music for being dickwads to my friend.
I am tired.
I am ready to move.
I’m sorry I’m missing Secretcon in Montreal this weekend.
I like my workplace.
I can’t wait for the canoe trip.
I miss my mom.

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I’m attempting to send an email out to the FneuList, which I haven’t done since I’ve lived up here. Hopefully it will work…

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I’ve been scanning pictures for the past couple of days, and I’ve created a new photo gallery for my site. The pictures are from the photography course I did a couple of weeks ago at Smoothwater. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a bunch of stuff. The ones I’ve uploaded are the ones I consider the most interesting… I had to pick from eight rolls of film. Four days, eight rolls… that’s a reasonable average, I think.

Anyhow, here’s the direct link to the page: A photographic study of Cobalt, Temagami, and surrounding areas.

Cobalt was really interesting – all the abandoned headframes and mining caves and ruins. I quite enjoyed it. I want to go back to a few of the sites again, spend a little more time taking more pictures. Not that I’m obsessed with the camera or anything.

If anyone desperately wants to know, I used a Canon A1 for all the pictures, with a 50mm lens. Film speed was either 100 speed Kodak or 400 speed Fuji, depending on the day.

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My hands smell like basil and garlic. It’s making me hungry.

It’s a little depressing that I’ve offered a couple of people some prints of some of my photos and they don’t seem at all interested in getting one. And that includes my mom. Well, she says she wants one, but she can’t decide which one. She’s my mom… I told her she could have more than one…

I am very generally disheartened the past couple of days. And starting to feel depressed. Starting sunday, however, I work for eight days straight. That should solve any problems I have thinking too much and making myself depressed. I feel like I’m never going to make it to school. Even if I ever do make it, I’ll be in my thirties by the time I’m done. That’s years from now. I feel like I’m never going to get out of this endless rut of lifeless nothingness.

Oh yeah. This summer is great for my emotional well-being.

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La la la. I’m never cleaning anything in this house again that is messy due to anyone other than myself, Adam, or my cats. Never ever again.

Adam’s Bubby is coming up this weekend. That should be…. interesting. I’ll probably be working most of the time. Assuming my neck doesn’t incapacitate me anymore.

Speaking of my neck, it seems to be a bit less sharp today. Still hurts a lot when I wake up, but as the day progresses it gets easier to deal with. Now it only hurts a lot if I push it.

Anyhow. Going out for a bit.

I’m wearing a neckbrace! No, I’m not taking a camsnap.

I’m trying really hard to not get depressed. It’s getting harder to do today. I had to skip out on work because of the neck thing… got a massage last night, which helped at the time, but now I’m in pain again. I’m so very tired of pain. Not working sucks because I owe people money. Not getting paid til the end of the month, which also kind of sucks in the owing people money department.

On top of that, it’s nearly August, which means the summer is on the downslide. September we’re moving. It’s a direction, but it doesn’t feel right at the moment. I mean sure, rent is coming down and such, but the city’s got some unresolved SARS issues and the job market is distinctly lacking as far as I know. Maybe I’ll feel better when it’s closer, but right now nothing feels right.

Not even going to get into the rest of it. Not much point.

What’s anything worth? I feel so lonely.

Canoe trip is super-easy this year. Hopefully I won’t feel like killing anyone by then. Would almost in a way rather dump the whole group of them, get a kayak and a dog and flee everything all on my own. No offense to anyone actually going on the trip, should they happen to be reading this. It’s not a personal thing, I’m just tired of people, and when I’m in this sort of mood I get that ‘these aren’t my friends, they’re my boyfriend’s friends’ feeling of exclusion. Whether or not it’s a valid feeling is irrelevant – it’s actually probably completely invalid – that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. And the people that I’m actually close to keep backing out… looks like Vachel’s not going to make it now either. A bit ironic, since the trip is this late in the summer by his request. He’ll be missed.

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I think I’m going to the hospital today. Waking up at 5am every morning in pain and unable to move my head side to side or up and down is just getting to be an old joke already. I’ve tried all sorts of things, and none of them work for more than a day – by the next morning I’m in pain again. It’s not a good way to start the day.

I can’t believe it’s nearly the end of July…

I’m done the photography course thing. It was good, I learned a lot – took about eight rolls of film in four days. I’ll scan the better ones and put them up in the next little while.

Damn. Hurts so much I want to cry. I really miss sleeping the night through.

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I got my postcards back, but I’m not entirely satisfied with them… must talk to them about it. Just little detail-y things, but hey. It’s all about the details. I don’t know if I’ll sell the ones I have here as they are.

Photo course is still going well, I’m having lots of fun. Longer than 12-hour days the past couple, but I’m enjoying it. Tomorrow should be a bit shorter. Today was the Temagami Fire Tower trip and an excursion to the Temagami Canoe Co. where they make Cedar-strip Canvas canoes by hand. Beautiful canoes, too… if I had endless cash, I tell you…

I’m too tired for real coherence at the moment. Instead, I give you broken half-thoughts.

Tomorrow we’re getting our first few rolls of film developed. Maybe I’ll scan some of them, if they look reasonable. Maybe not til the week’s over, though, I think I’ll be too tired to really do much of anything after getting home.

Tomorrow is a trip to High Rock. I like High Rock. I’ve been there many times, generally with a camera. Maybe I’ll see something different this time. Maybe I won’t just take another picture of this view…

I’m going to sleep now. G’nite.

It’s like a light went on inside my brain

And suddenly depth of field makes perfect, complete, beautiful sense. Why can’t everyone explain things so succinctly?

I’m quite tired, was at the lodge doing photography course stuff til about 11pm. Makes for a long day, but so worth it. We went to a sled dog place and hung out with the dogs for a while – seventeen or so of them, incredibly beautiful and extremely friendly, obedient Alaskan Huskies. I took just over 20 pictures today… we shall see how they turn out, now that I know what depth of field is.

Another early day tomorrow. We’re going to spend some time in the town of Temagami at the Temagami Canoe company, then going to climb the fire tower (weather permitting) and maybe some canoeing or something.

My neck was hurting agan this morning. Am reading up on things to do to fix that now. I’ve already stolen Adam’s dad’s ergonomic pillow thing, which is quite nice.