It’s Tuesday

and I don’t have to work today. This makes me happy. I have all of my belongings to go through, after all, for the yard sale this weekend.

Adam’s probably going to go watch a movie on the satellite. Last night we saw Hidalgo, which was good. The night before, we watched Love, Actually, which I really liked. The night before that we saw Holes, which was better than I expected it to be, and actually kind of cute. I am, however, starting to get a little tired of movies. Can’t please me, I guess.

My sister’s wedding is in a week and a half. Hopefully I can find my way to Peterborough from here without too much trouble. I only really know how to get to Peterborough from highway 401, and that will not be the route we’re taking from here. Ah well, that’s what maps are for.

Driving / Working / etc.

This week has been a period of nearly nonstop driving and working.

Tuesday we drove to Toronto. Wednesday we drove from Toronto to London and back. Thursday we drove from Toronto back up to New Liskeard. Friday Adam worked at the Smoothwater store and I worked cleaning and organizing stuff at the house. Saturday we both worked for Smoothwater (him at the store, me at the lodge.) Today was the same. Tomorrow I’m working at the lodge again. Tuesday and Wednesday will be nonstop sorting through our endless belongings to be rid of most of them. Thursday and Friday we’re both back at Smoothwater. Saturday and possibly Sunday I’ll be having the YARD SALE and Adam will be working at the Smoothwater store.

Anyhow. I’m tired and have a cold and sore throat, and this is the most I’ve been online all week.

Have I missed anything exciting?

In other news, I got the pictures back from Bacchanalia 2004, and red squirrels are the epitome of evil.

I’ve been moody all week, what with the leavetaking of Toronto and the fact that in a month’s time I will be in Vancouver where I know hardly anyone and I have no work lined up and I’m kind of scared. Excited, yes, but also scared. It happens.

Cassie and Twig say hello… well, Cassie says ‘pouty eyed puppy-dog stare’ and Twig says ‘purrrrr.’ I think I’ll make some tea and relax downstairs with the 59″ television screen now.

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Today we drove back to Toronto. Have to pack stuff up, then tomorrow driving Vachel out to London, then coming back to Toronto. Packing up the car either tomorrow night or Thursday morning, and then driving back up to New Liskeard on Thursday. That’s 5 and a half hours driving today, four tomorrow, and five and a half Thursday. Friday we’ll be working for Smoothwater. I’m quite exhausted, and this week is going to just wear me out. The cough is pretty annoying now.

I am going to bed now.

Back from the trip…

and yet another year of trying to reach Maple Mountain and not getting there. It was a fun trip, although I missed having Adam on it.

I have a cold now, though. It started the day I left on trip, right before I left. It was mostly a sore throat and a light dry cough in the morning. Every morning of the trip I had the sore throat, but it got better during the day. Then when we got back (just ahead of the rain, which was great) it became a consistant hacking cough in my lungs. I woke up around 5:30 this morning in the bed (oooh, no roots in a bed!) and couldn’t stop coughing, so I took some night-time cold medication. It’s still affecting me now, though, I’m all groggy and just feeling wiped out. But at least I’m not coughing, which is fantastic.

I took about 180 photos on the canoe trip. I have to take them in for processing soon. I wonder if the grocery store here in New Liskeard does photo-CDs? I don’t feel like doing my own scanning this time… I’ll have to check once we get out of the house this afternoon.

I’ll be going back to Toronto tomorrow, but only for a couple of days. We plan to pack up our stuff and head back up north by Thursday, and do some work for Smoothwater starting on Friday.

I’ll write about the canoe trip later. I kept a trip journal while we were on the lake, so I may just transcribe that.

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All right then. We’re shutting everything down before heading up north. My computer will be off all week. Hope everyone has a good week!

5am

Five am and I’m still wide awake. I don’t think I should do any of the driving tomorrow. I’m going to be exhausted.

I think I know why I’m so awake and stressed, though. After three and a half weeks of Adam being stressed about his injury, as well as I don’t know how much time of him being stressed about our savings, about the big move, about missing work because of his injury, and all sorts of other things that I can’t begin to list at 5am, I’ve just reached my breaking point of being strong and supportive and trying to be a calming influence. Today (last night now, I suppose) I just snapped under the pressure of all of it. The problem is, the whole time I was being there for him I wasn’t able to find someone to be my support, to push me up when I started to feel like I couldn’t take it anymore. And I felt on the edge of it a bunch of times, but I just kept pushing my way through and not feeling whatever I was feeling.

At emergency last night it all crashed down around me, and I snapped. The last place for me to be when I snap is around Adam’s family. Or my family. Or anyone, really, unless I trust them enough to actually let them take care of me, and there aren’t many of those people left for me. Generally it’s Adam who gets that from me, as much as I get it from him, but this time that wasn’t the way to go and I knew it.

I need a backup system for these times.

I also get the feeling that Adam’s mother and I will never feel entirely comfortable with each other. We never have, even when I lived in their house for 8 months. Nor did we before then, and neither afterwards. I like her, she likes me, we get along fairly well, and I’m not trying to be negative and totally discount the concept that we may at some point find a common enough ground to try for comfort, but the way things are right now I just can’t picture it.

xds

That was Dayle’s contribution to this lj entry. I like it.

I think I’ll go try to sleep again. Either that or stay up and watch a sunrise…

Must be calm.

I have a stress headache.

We took Adam to emergency at North York General. It was highly unpleasant.

I don’t know if I mentioned this at any point, but about 3 weeks or so ago Adam got a frisbee in the groin. We all laughed because hey, a frisbee in the groin is pretty funny. Within the next couple of days, however, he did a lot of biking, like he usually does. Unfortunately that exacerbated a minor bruising, which turned into a whole lot of pain and discomfort for Adam.

He went to see a couple of doctors but never really got an answer on what to do about it. It’s been over three weeks now, and the pain had changed and migrated and just generally made him completely stressed out and upset. On top of the stress of moving and getting ready for the canoe trip and preparing to leave the city of Toronto, he was just starting to get really upset by everything. Tonight we went out to meet Adam’s mom and have dinner with her & his brothers. We got up to where we were meeting them, and then we ended up driving to the hospital’s emergency.

Adam went in to some random place in the hospital without the rest of us, and we all sat around. An hour goes by and we don’t know anything that’s going on. I got up and started wandering around because I was starting to get pretty worried. I also hadn’t eaten anything but a sandwich at around 1:30 in the afternoon, and it was now 8pm, so I was getting really moody and angry at nothing in particular. Then
Adam’s mom got up. I turned around, and when I turned back she had disappeared. She was gone for about half an hour or so. During that entire time, I was getting more angry, more upset, and thinking up all sorts of terrible things that could be going on that I didn’t know about, and she hadn’t come back to tell any of the rest of us what was going on. Or even where she had disappeared to. I was not impressed.

At some point Shawn finally talked to the triage nurse, who told me I could use the phone on the wall to call in and they’d let me in to see him if the other visitor with him left. They let me in, and as I was going in his mom was coming back out through the door. I’m not sure what I said, but I know I was filled with rage and nearly in tears. Again, not impressed. I do not like being in the dark about things that are important to me.

I found Adam’s waiting room, where he had basically just been waiting around for the whole time we were waiting in the lobby area. I think I sort of flipped out a bit on him, just because I was so completely stressed and upset and filled with rage.

While I was sitting with Adam, his doctor arrived. He was quite nice, actually. He checked Adam out thoroughly and told him that he’s got internal bruising from being hit in the groin and then biking hard afterwards, but nothing more serious than that. It was a relief to hear, because Adam’s had two hernias repaired in his life and was flipping out about having to go back in for that surgery again. It didn’t seem likely to me, what with the fact that they had repaired both hernias and people generally don’t get them again, since that’s what the repair does and all.

So anyway, he’s fine, albeit bruised up. And he’s not allowed to go on the Canoe trip. He’s pretty upset by that part, but the fact that if he goes he’d probably regret it for six months is enough to make him stay. I’m still going, though. That will be very very strange. It will probably take him 2-3 months to heal up totally from the bruising. Lesson here: don’t go biking when you get hit in the nuts with a blunt object.

We ate after we left the hospital, and I’m not having a fun hypoglycemic fit anymore, but my head is killing me and I’m still feeling all stressed out. We’re driving up north tomorrow still. I think Adam’s mother thinks I hate her (again…) I’m not really sure why that happens, but it seems to happen far too often. If I get moody and annoyed, she takes it personally and decides I must hate her. Blah. I don’t hate her, I just don’t play well with others. Nor do I like being in stressful situations with others.

Saturday feels like Monday

The weird thing with both Adam & I being done work is that when we both have a day off, we spend the whole day thinking it’s Monday, because that’s the only common day off we’ve had in ten months. We both kept realizing all day that today was Saturday. So confused.

We’re putting all of our stuff together for the canoe trip now. A lot of our gear is still up north in storage, but our clothes are here, as are the new pack & tent and some other minor stuff we picked up at MEC. I have to pick up some good quality ziploc baggies for things like the journal Cyn gave us and other small things that need waterproofing. We’re getting massively excited about the trip now.

I can’t wait to see this again:

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I just wandered out of the bedroom with a pair of my new capris from MEC on and a blue baby-T, asking the roommate Ian if the shirt matches the pants. I’m not the best at colour. Anyhow, that’s not the point of this. What really surprised me was when he looked at me and said “Hey, what happened to you, you’re like skinny and stuff!” Heh. The biking, it does a body good.

This afternoon we’re heading up to Vaughan to visit Adam’s grandmother and see his mom, who is coming down to bring us back up on Monday.

Right now I have to go eat. Mmm food.

And the week ends…

That’s it, then. That’s all of my socializing and catching up with people and going for drinks and dinner and coffee… I have no time left for these things, the weekend is dedicated to packing and organizing and then leaving on Monday. We will be coming back down after the canoe trip to pick up our things, but as of Monday I basically don’t live in Toronto anymore.

Snacky-foods with Miriam and the ‘break-up meeting’ as we traded items that belonged to each other was good. I’ll miss so many RAT people.

Dinner with Monica was also quite good, we did Salad King (I’ll never have enough of that place, I tell you.) It was good to see her again, even if it was a dinner saying goodbye type of thing.

Tonight’s last meeting was supposed to be some IRC #toronto oldtimers getting together, but only Hapster and I showed up. We sat around and talked for a couple of hours, then headed home. Now I’m home and packing like a good little Jenny.