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We finally got our MSP card numbers, after complaining loudly to the people at the MSP office. This means we can finally get doctors and have our proper checkups done and such – it’s been nearly two years for me, and that’s not something I normally let slide. As for Adam, he went to another walk-in clinic today, where they prescribed him his third round of antibiotics and suggested he may have a bladder infection. We’re hoping that’s the worst of it. He’s stoned on Tylenol 3s now on top of the antibiotics. He also won’t be going to work tomorrow, because really, who can work effectively on T3s?

I got bored tonight and put together a resume to post online. Go me. Or something.

My frustration levels with work are increasing daily. I do not work well with things that stand monolithically in the way of my getting things done, and when I am not given the power to move or change these things, and there is no way to get around them, I become increasingly angry. I like to get things done. Go figure. I can’t wait for them to hire the new CSR, I just don’t have the patience to keep doing that job on top of the rest of them. At this rate, I don’t have the patience to keep up with what I’m already doing.

I was planning to write about how my online friends are the only ones I’m really comfortable talking about things that are bothering me, how I don’t really talk to people on the phone or in the real world and actually let my feelings show because I don’t think anyone really cares. At least here I can pretend people really care (and to some extent they do) even if they aren’t directly reacting the way we do in the offline world. Later tonight, though, I spoke to my father-in-law on the phone. Adam talks to his family a lot about what’s wrong. I’ve never felt the same connection, really. Too busy trying to fake it at being strong and successful. But tonight, when I talked to my father-in-law, he told me that I should call and talk to him any time if I need to… and right now I think I really need that. It’s hard trying to be optimistic and strong when Adam’s going through all this hard stuff, but that’s what I have to be – I have to be totally supportive of him. That means I can’t really let myself get weak on him, the way I would for anything else. It’s so amazing… I felt like my father-in-law really meant it, that he really wanted me to call and talk to him, that he honestly understood what I’m probably going through and how I’m trying to be strong about it. I’ve so missed having a good, solid father figure in my life – it’s been a gaping hole for a long, long time now. I nearly cried.

So yeah. I’m being strong and it’s making me feel the pressure a bit. But I have this forum, and I have my new dad, and I know I can get through this because I’ve been through worse…. just never on behalf of someone else before. But it’s good to know there’s someone I can call.

5 Comments

  • strange

    September 29, 2005 at 10:45 am

    You should track down a family doctor for Adam (in Ontario there’s a website search engine for doctors currently accepting new patients, I don’t know if they have something similar in BC). Walk-in clinics are great for little stuff but if he is having ongoing medical issues, it would be best if he had his full file with someone he could regularly go to for follow-ups. I don’t know what I would have done without my family doctor these last few years – I doubt a walk-in clinic would have been able to determine that a lot of my medical weirdness has to do with my lymph nodes functioning incorrectly. But my GP was able to get me in to see a specialist to determine just how serious it all was. That said, from what you’ve written it seems like Adam may need to consult with a specialist about everything and it’s a total bitch to get a referral from a walk-in – their bloody likely to send you to emerg. first.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      September 29, 2005 at 2:10 pm

      Yeah, been trying to get a family doctor for a while, but with only our OHIP cards they didn’t want to see us. This last walk-in clinic they seemed willing to provide referrals for specialists. Will find out more Sunday when he goes back in, I think.

  • msfancypants

    September 29, 2005 at 11:06 am

    I wouldn’t say nobody cares. I would just say that in this world, people do tend to care more about their own issues and are often too self-absorbed to put the effort into helping others. But you know who cares who doesn’t. You don’t need anyone to tell you that.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      September 29, 2005 at 11:33 pm

      I don’t mean to say they don’t care. I just mean to say that this is a disconnected medium and that if people do care, there’s not really anything they’re going to say this way.

      The fact of the matter is, I don’t call people, and I’m not comfortable discussing things that are bothering me most of the time. But I can write about it pretty easily.

      • msfancypants

        September 30, 2005 at 11:43 am

        I know exactly what you mean.