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I’ve been working on this financial questionnaire that I have to fill out to prove to the collection agency that I make what I say I make and have the expenses I say I have. I find it incredibly frustrating, and also it makes me feel really upset and a bit humiliated somehow. It’s that lingering effect that collection agencies had on me back when I was in college, when they would harass me and get abusive on the phone and all that, and wouldn’t believe me when I told them that the only reason I had a place to live was out of the goodness of someone’s heart. It was the beginning of my phone phobia, those days. To this moment I still hate answering the phone – I get a nervous fear every time it rings. To overcome the fear I started doing reception work (this was years ago) and I still do reception, but I still get the same feeling of nausea in the pit of my stomach when the phone rings at home.

At any rate, this questionnaire has just reminded me of that, and put me back into that frame of mind. I’m trying my best to get out of it. I don’t really owe that much, it’s not unmanageable anymore (just means that I may never get to insure the car, but whatever.) It bothers me, though. A lot. I sincerely wish there were a way I could just take a loan out from somewhere else just so I can make regular payments to that rather than to a collection agency. But I guess there isn’t and so I’m stuck with what I’ve got.