Almost there…

Back in Toronto for one last day before we fly out on the New Year’s Eve afternoon.

A proper update may occur tomorrow, or maybe not until I’m back in Vancouver. I miss my home, I miss the mountains, and I miss the kitties. It is time to go home.

Thoughts on a rainy, snowless night

December 22nd in Northeastern Ontario, and the temperature hovers around 0 degrees. It was raining earlier, threatening to become ice rain overnight. Today we went for a walk around Pete’s Dam, a place I’ve been many times before, both while we lived in New Liskeard and when we visited in the past. It was a place caught in transition, like the rest of Ontario seems to have been since we arrived. The plants are all dead and turned brown, waiting for the snow that should have come to stay weeks ago. The land is waiting for the winter to set in, everything is in stasis until spring, and the feeling of waiting for the transition from fall into winter is so pervasive that it’s almost overwhelming sometimes.

The weather is reflective of my own internal conflicts right now. I feel in transition once again, although not negatively. There is a sense of anticipation, of waiting, of even delaying moving on with things that I really want to be doing, however unclear they are to me. I can only be vague here because really I’m feeling vague within as much as outside myself. There is much to do, if I could focus on something… if I could focus I could do anything, with the feelings I have right now. I’m fairly certain that at this moment I could take on the world and give it something fantastic, something even I would have to admit is worthwhile.

The trouble is the vagueness, of course. Where can I direct this energy, this feeling that I can do anything? Again I’m faced with wanting to delay, to wait for someone else to come along and push me in the right direction, but this time I’m pretty sure that it won’t happen – the same as every other time. People don’t hand me things, however much I ask for them. I work for everything that seems to come so easily, and I take it all so personally when it doesn’t turn out perfect. That’s all right, though – I’ve come to terms with that.

I can feel everything in my dreams. They have been chaotic, intense, violent, story-filled, and frequent, filling up every night when I sleep. I’m in a very interesting place right now, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, what have you, and I want to follow through.

I’m not even looking for purpose this time. I just want to find my own focus, and find my own way. No one is here with me on this one, there never has been. This is all my own energy, mine to channel to where I want. I’m not going to offer it away this time freely, not without being asked. This time it’s my choice. My world. My transition.

Blahs

We’ve been in New Liskeard for a day now, and today was painfully boring. I couldn’t even come up with something to do to pass the time. Hopefully this will change, people will show up and we’ll be able to go out and do stuff with them (get coffee at the very least.) Anything. Sitting in the house watching the crap on the television just depresses me. Adam likes to watch movies, so he’s got that at least, since his dad has a whole lot of movies and a 61″ tv. I just don’t want to sit still for that long. So far there’s not much else to do though – well I could play video games on the giant tv, but I really don’t like doing that with an audience. Plus I didn’t bring my game with me, and Drakengard is all I feel like playing at the moment anyhow.

I might play some sims 2 on my computer in a while. That can pass the time like nothing else. I’m very happy to have my computer and an internet connection. Very happy indeed.

Adam and Vachel are playing Soul Calibur III on the giant tv while we wait for dinner.

Also, I’ve had a headache for the past few hours. Stupid head.

My mom sent me photos of the trees that came down surrounding her house. Frightning.

Maybe tomorrow if we end up sitting around the house again I’ll sort through things in the bedroom. We still have stuff stored here that I really want sent back home out west because I miss it. I could also start burning some of the cds we have stored here.

It is very good to see family, though, even if I do have a case of the blahs.

A world of Ontarian proportions

Yesterday was fun, we left the house somewhat early and met Rory, then Vachel, and wandered around town for a bit trying to get our train ticket (office was closed) and having our Salad King lunch. It was awesome good, just like we remembered.

The evening was filled with old friends and conversation and beer (and a very poor performance by myself, but I don’t think anyone was listening anyway. Having not played or practiced in about six months, I couldn’t remember a thing.)

Anyhow, there were a few people who didn’t make it out that were missed, and a couple of surprise dropins that were nice to see. We were out exceptionally late, and arrived back at Ian’s place where we were crashing at about 3am. We stayed up until about 3:30, then tried to sleep until about 8am. Neither of us slept particularly well, though, and when we got up we were zombies. After making our way back to Adam’s grandmother’s house, Adam took a quick nap while I helped prepare the giant hanukkah meal for fifteen that was to occur at lunchtime. People arrived, lunch was had and there was much socializing until perhaps 3:45 or so, when everyone left. Adam’s watching tv and dozing now, and I’m sitting on the computer. Tomorrow morning we have to be up at 6 to make our way down to the train station for 8. Early morning sucks.

I should be thinking about napping myself, but I’m almost afraid to – at this point, if I nap I may not sleep the night through. I could sleep on the train tomorrow, but I don’t really want to – I like looking out the window for that sort of thing.

We were going to go out to a movie tonight, but now we’re both just too tired. We’re not going anywhere further than out to the coffee shop, and that only if anyone calls and wants to try and see us tonight, so not very likely.

Eastern Timezones R Us

So here we are in Toronto. It is warm and there is no snow. We flew out of Vancouver on cusp of the biggest windstorm they’ve had yet. Four trees fell down in my mother’s yard, landing on the carport (which stopped it from hitting the car,) on the power lines that run from the street to the house, and all over the front yard. Fortunately it missed her house and stopped before hitting the car. Apparently she was up watching the wind when the tree fell on the carport. They’ve spent the day clearing out the yard.

Our flight out was turbulent for the first half hour or so – sliding sideways and bouncing us around madly. It was a bit unnerving but exciting at the same time. I guess I get a weird kick of out scary situations or something.

We arrived on time in Toronto, and it upon deplaning we noticed immediately that it was a lot warmer in Toronto than it was in Vancouver when we had left four hours earlier. Emma picked us up, and we slept at her place last night. We got up early in the morning today (before 7am EST I think) which was 4am our time, and got a lift with Mike to Adam’s grandmother’s house. Breakfast was acquired, then we lurked around the condo, full of the realization that we were up at 4am and our bodies were not impressed. We attempted sleep and failed, then had some lunch and walked across the street to get groceries. Came back to the condo, decided we were in no shape to go out tonight and decided to stay in.

The jet lag is hitting pretty hard today, we’ve both been total wrecks with no energy. It was good to stay in. Now we’re watching Harvey Birdman on Teletoon, since we don’t have cable at home and this is very exciting. And I’m leeching wireless. Shhh don’t tell.

Tomorrow we’re going to see the other grandmother, then meeting Rory and Vachel downtown and having adventures. Later there will be the gathering of sorts at the Renaissance Cafe. I apologize for my inability to be coherent, but my body says go to bed already. I will listen and obey. And also watch Space Ghost Coast to Coast because it is joyful.

Party like it’s party time!

Okay, my Subject is lame. I don’t really care.

Tonight was the staff Holiday party for work. It was pretty fun – I had Adam bring my guitar and he played for me while I sang Light up My Room, which was lyrically well-received by the environmental crowd. Hey, it’s a pretty funny song if you listen to it. Someone said do one more, and since I hadn’t actually practised anything, I just did the first thing that popped into my head – Hasn’t Hit Me Yet, naturally. It’s easy and I can play it in my sleep, and I thought Break Your Heart might be too depressing, even if it is my favourite thing to sing. The performance seemed well-received by my co-workers, some of whom (okay, most of whom) didn’t actually know that I sing. I love surprising people with that sort of thing.

I also took some photos for one of the programs – we had some NHL guests at the office just before we ran off to the Christmas party, and I was asked to take photos of the event. That was fun. It’s rather nice to be working somewhere that is willing to take advantage of my offer to actually do this sort of thing – makes me think they recognize that I’m relatively good at it. That always annoyed me a bit about the last place I worked – they had ideas and things they wanted to do and they would talk about having me do things, but nothing actually ever happened or got done. Frustrating. And it wasn’t something that I was in any place to push forward.

Anyhow. I am multi-talented JennyLee Extraordinaire.

And I’m up at 1:15 am the night before I fly to Toronto. Gack. I should be sleepy. I hope I don’t forget to pack anything. I hope the wind doesn’t delay any flights tomorrow. I hope the cats survive our being away for so long – I feel guilty when we have to leave them, it stresses them out and their fur gets all ratty. Poor guys.

I’ll be bringing Saturn (the laptop) with me, so I’ll be online of course, whenever I can be, and in contact as required. I’m really looking forward to this trip. And to sleep. Good night.

It’s bedtime and I’m still up

Dayle I think knows we’re going somewhere. We had large packs out tonight and were filling them with clothes. He’s been uber-needy ever since.

Tomorrow is the last day for work before the break. It’s also the Holiday Party, which I don’t have a cute dress for, which makes me sad. Yes, I can be girly that way. I realized today that I haven’t bought myself a new pretty dress-up outfit in a couple of years. Now I want one desperately. If only I had more time on lunch to guy buy something.

Thursday is the flight out from Vancouver. Hopefully the extreme weather we’re having will let up so we can actually fly out.

Saturday December 16th

Hey there Toronto folks. Adam and I will be in Toronto from the 14th until the 18th. Our evenings are pretty much booked that whole time with family or other get togethers, but the open gathering will be on the 16th.

Where: Renaissance Cafe, 1938 Danforth Ave. at Woodbine. I worked there for a while. It was nice. Also they have good stuff on tap.
When: Saturday, December 16th, sometime after 7:30 or so?
Why: Because you haven’t seen Adam & Jenny in ages and it would be fun to see them
Who: whoever. Please come out. the more the merrier. Unless you already have a party you’re going to, then go to that and if you’d like to see us at another time our days are free and we’d love to meet you for lunch or coffee.

Email Adam or myself for contact numbers. jennifer.silver@gmail dot com or paleblueshift@gmail dot com.