There is often a lot on my mind these days, and I tend to not give it any outlet, for many different reasons. Knowing myself, this is not the healthiest way for me to deal with things.
I wonder, lately, if I should be making an effort to be part of some kind of community – be it online or in the physical realm. Adam pushes me to submit photos to contests or sites, but it often seems to me that there is a specific community/clique happening, and I can’t break into these things. I just don’t want to put in an effort to become part of the in crowd. Is this detrimental to me? Probably. I suppose it’s partly that I don’t feel at all on the same level, and that’s how I feel about everything I do in my entire life – I’m not that good at any of it, I just tend to branch out in as many directions as possible. Perhaps I’m putting more energy and focus into photography than anything I’ve done before, but I still don’t feel that anything is different.
Am I improving? I think so. Is it enough?
Well that’s the thing. My standards are so high it’ll never be enough.
Does that mean I should give up on it? At this point I don’t think I could if I tried. I take pictures of things because I really, truly, honestly want to take pictures of things.
I don’t know what the point of all this is. I guess I just came close to considering getting a new computer again today, and it fell through (never really got off the ground, really) and I’m once again terribly disappointed. And I can’t think of anything to do about it besides sell my body somewhere. Does Vancouver have a red light district? Or get some part-time job (if I could even find one) and destroy what little health I seem to have at the moment.
Ah well. I could put my soul on the market, but I don’t think people pay for those in cash monies.