Only memories, fading memories, blending into dull tableaux

All I’ve listened to all day is Barenaked Ladies. I get in these moods, usually with BNL, Great Big Sea, or Blue Rodeo, where I will listen to their entire catalog (or as much of it as I own – I am behind on a few Blue Rodeo and GBS cds, sadly.) Great Big Sea is playing tomorrow and Saturday. I will miss it, much as I missed Blue Rodeo last weekend. This whole ‘saving money so we have some to spend when family is here’ thing is mildly annoying this week.

There is a package at the post office for me in my pre-married name. I have no idea who it’s from. Maybe my sister?

I have been moody and unhappy much of the week. Excluded from this is last night when I went Kayaking with Aaron from work – I can’t be unhappy when I’m paddling around in the ocean and hanging out with seals, really. Tuesday was a miserable night for me, my moodiness made me snap at Adam a couple of times for no real reason, which ultimately ended up with him going to bed to get away from me. I was up half the night feeling sick with remorse, mostly, and hating myself. Hooray. Monday I was just kind of feeling blah and unhappy for no reason, although I didn’t get angry like on Tuesday. All day yesterday I was kind of melancholy until we went kayaking after work.

I was going to back out of kayaking because I didn’t think I should spend the money, but when I considered just how bad my mood was, I decided to go anyway. Fortunately for me I found some cash I hadn’t accounted for in my purse, which meant that really the kayaking didn’t cut into the budget at all. That was nice.

Tomorrow is suddenly Friday. It is also suddenly September 1st, which means our first wedding anniversary is on Monday the 4th, and my 30th birthday will be a mere month away. Does 30 mean something? Should it? I don’t really know. I don’t plan to spend the day in tears (as one friend of mine does every year… but she’s kinda weird that way.)

Speaking of weird friends, Tara is back on Monday. She’s been gone for a month, and we miss her.

I wish I could place why I feel this moody dull depression this week. I’m lethargic and sad and angry at nothing half the time. I don’t want to go to work in the morning, I don’t want to go home in the evening, I just sort of want to wander aimlessly. Taking pictures for the Picture a Day project this week has been painful – I haven’t felt like even pulling the camera out. I didn’t take it kayaking, ostensibly because I didn’t want to get it covered in salt water; the thing is, though, I didn’t even bring it in the car and take pictures in Deep Cove before and after kayaking. That’s odd for me.

Sometimes at work the wrong number people are REALLY STUPID. (I get a lot of wrong number callers, our phone number is nearly identical to stupid Bodog’s. And by a lot, I mean about 50 a day at least.)

Me: Good Afternoon, XYZ Software, how can I direct your call?
Caller: Is this Bodog?
Me: No I’m sorry, you have a wrong number, you’ve reached XYZ Software.
Caller: … I have a wrong number?
Me: That’s right, this is XYZ Software.
Caller: … XYZ Software?
Me: Yes.
Caller: … … Oh. *click*

Fifteen seconds later…

Me: Good Afternoon, XYZ Software, how can I direct your call?
The Same Caller: Oh, nevermind. *click*

Ten seconds later…

Me: Good Afternoon, XYZ Software, how can I direct your call?
The Same Caller: *click*

New Ladies…

I heard new Ladies on the weekend, and again this morning… I require it.

I feel like I should write a real entry about my real feelings, but I can’t bring myself to do so. If only I had a superintelligent penguin to talk to.

Free Iced Coffee anyone?

I need breakfast.

Here’s what happened on the weekend:

Camping was about as chaotic and silly as I expected. We got a call at 8:30 that our friend’s friend had found a site that wasn’t full, right across from Shannon Falls near Squamish. It was a private site, and not nearly as nice as some of the local provincial campgrounds. We headed out there after grabbing some food, and arrived at 10pm to set up our tents in the dark (not that tough, our tent is super easy to set up.)

We got up early, as we generally do when camping. Something about early morning sunlight and crows and other such things that make you want to wake up. Saturday itself was a bit of dull day – we walked across the street to Shannon Falls, which is of course lovely as always but still very, very touristy. Adam and I wanted to hike the Chief, but we hadn’t brought enough water to do so, and some of the people we were with were extremely ill-equipped for such an endeavour. Sadness.

We then spent some time swimming at Alice Lake just north of Squamish. It’s been a year since I’ve personally been swimming in a lake, and I have missed it. Alice lake was quite nice, the perfect temperature for swimming, and not so busy that it was crowded out. Maybe that is why my legs are a bit sore today…

Saturday night we were back at the campsite, where someone was informed that ‘a wedding was being held at the campground.’ That’s fine, we thought, who doesn’t enjoy a nice wedding party, and since it’s a public campsite they’ll likely turn off the PA System around 1am or so out of respect for the few hundred other campers.

Turns out that if you pay a private campsite enough, they’ll completely ignore their own rules of ‘no loud music after 10pm, no exceptions.’ We crawled into our tents around 1am in the hopes that the party (which had degenerated to a drunken bad techno psuedo-rave by then) would be shut down soon. No such luck. By 3am we were going mental – people were getting on the microphone and screaming at the top of their lungs, they weren’t even playing songs all the way through, and it was still brutally loud – and we weren’t that close to things. I had put in earplugs and could still hear everything. Adam was so restless that he kept me up for 3/4 of the night anyhow. Eventually, one of our co-campers went to the washroom and ran into one of the campsite managers, who said he wasn’t going to stop the party.

Our co-camper called the police, who apparently came out and shut it down. That was around 3:30 in the morning. It was finally quiet in the pre-dawn light, and I was nearly able to relax, except that Adam was so restless and annoyed and frustrated by that point that he couldn’t sleep – which kept me awake. I lay awake until he finally fell asleep as the light grew, then I followed.

We were up early again to the sound of raucous crows, probably only netting about 2 hours of sleep altogether. We had some breakfast, packed up camp and headed home. After lunch at home Adam went to bed and I surfed for a while until I passed out on the couch. I then got up and crawled into bed with Adam around 3pm. We slept until 8pm, then got up and made dinner.

We didn’t end up going to bed until 12:30, but then managed to sleep the whole night through anyway. I guess we were tired. Stupid campsite, we’re never going back there again, or recommending it to anyone. Adam wrote an email to their ‘how did you enjoy your stay’ email address telling them exactly how we enjoyed our stay. I think artyste might have as well.

Anyhow, don’t go camping at Klahanie Campground. Ever.

Photo a Day Project Update

Photo a Day Project is caught up just in time for me to go away for a couple of days. w00t.

I’m terribly sleepy now. Me & my smurf jammies are heading for bed, and we’re taking the kitties with us. So there.

Groceries and Memeage

We went out and got groceries tonight, for the first time in a long while. This is a very good thing.

I have to set up and take a photo in the next few minutes. Then I should probably transfer the last few photo a day pics over and empty off the cards for the weekend car camping trip.

You scored as III – The Empress.
The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects.
She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better.
Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.

III – The Empress

100%

II – The High Priestess

81%

I – Magician

75%

XVI: The Tower

75%

XIII: Death

75%

XI: Justice

69%

VIII – Strength

69%

X – Wheel of Fortune

63%

0 – The Fool

63%

IV – The Emperor

63%

VI: The Lovers

56%

XIX: The Sun

56%

XV: The Devil

38%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Dream

I dreamed I was lounging in a beach lounge chair in the grass at the edge of a busy beach. There were a lot of people wandering around doing beach-like things. Next to me in another lounge chair was my stepmother, and she was rambling on about something that sounded like she was lecturing me. I was completely tuning her out.

I didn’t realize that my purse, which was sitting on the chair near my feet, had been knocked onto the ground at the end of my chair. An extremely dirty, creepy, big guy walked up to the end of my chair just as I finished saying something to my stepmother, glared at my purse then at me, and started telling me off for littering on the ground. I was really confused, told him that it was just my purse that had accidentally fallen off my chair, and picked it up.

The man continued to accuse me of littering, his voice getting louder and his stance a lot more threatening. I stood up from my chair and stepped towards him, explaining again that I was not, in fact, littering, but had just knocked my purse on the ground with my feet. As I stepped fowards he backed away until finally he turned and started walking away. My stepmother was shocked that I had defended myself to him.

A minute or so later, the creepy, messy, dirt-smeared guy returned with an entire group of similar buddies – and they had various weapons. I took off towards a nearby house that belonged to someone in my family, although no one was at home. The rest of the dream involved me running away from these guys who wanted to kill me because I stood up for myself when the one guy flipped out on me, and hiding in various rooms of the house trying to make myself invisible. At one point I was hiding under blankets and a cushion lying next to a bed that my grandmother (who passed away years ago) was supposed to sleep on – the cushions were on the floor because she had a tendency to fall out of bed (which, in real life, didn’t happen.)

When I woke up, I was feeling incredibly anxious, scared, and nervous, as though I had to keep hiding from these guys. That had very nearly caught me when I woke up – I could hear them coming in the room I was hiding in. I was pretty scared.

What does this all mean?

On a seemingly related but likely coincidental note, here is my horoscope for today:

You might have intense interactions now with anyone that you encounter, especially in a social environment. You are less likely to play your usual role of the gracious host who is primarily interested in the well-being of everyone else. Instead, look into the hidden corners of conversations as you seek meaning to what is happening. Standing up for your beliefs can ultimately be positive for others too.

Music meme thing

mtbandit assigned me with R. This is more challenging than one might think.

So, without Google, Allmusic.com, or itunes, 10 songs that begin with “R”:

Rebel Yell – Billy Idol
Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac
Red Skies at Night – The Fixx
Rain Down on Me – Blue Rodeo
River of Dreams – Billy Joel
Return to Innocence – Enigma
Round Here – Counting Crows
Real World – Matchbox 20
Rock you Like a Hurricane – Scorpions
Regret – New Order

Oh yeah, forgot to say if you want to be tagged leave a comment and I’ll give you a letter. Rock, rock on.

Couldn’t sleep at all tonight, I had too much on my mind…

I want to go to school.

I looked at night courses and kept thinking things like “why would I take underwater basket weaving? I’m not that interested and it doesn’t get me anywhere.” Then I went to look at Langara College’s continuing education, and found what I really wanted.

So yeah. I want to go to night school. Now to save up the money to do just that, somewhere in between saving for the trip back east for Christmas, getting Adam a new video card, and generally living… The benefit of the continuing education program is that I can still work full time and take the courses I need. The problem is I don’t make enough to pay for those courses.

There is a huge world out there that I would like to conquer, and my next step is school – the kind where I can really, actually study and enjoy and work hard and feel accomplished at instead of just going because it’s what you do when you leave high school. I feel incredibly driven to do this now, and I’m hoping to figure out a way to put money aside so I can start at least one or two courses in January. I’d start in September but that’s just right out of the question considering how we’ve budgeted for September.

I guess I need to figure out how to promote the website, pick up a photography contract or something, and research bursaries and scholarships (although you can’t qualify for those unless you have a transcript to prove you’re in school. heh.) I’ve wanted to go back to school for four years now, I just didn’t really see how it would be possible before. Now I see that it is possible, just very, very difficult. That I can handle – or at least I can the way I felt today.

Buy a picture, help me get to school. Buy a few pictures. I really only need one piece of gear to round out the equipment I have for now (need is relative, there are lots of things i want but don’t need exactly, but one thing I definitely need,) so any extra cash I get beyond a laptop/camera pack now will go straight into saving for school.

I can’t be an admin assistant forever, I may destroy something, and it might end up being me.

Photo a Day Project Update

I’ve updated the Photo a Day Project.

I’m finding it hard to believe we’re nearly at the end of August. In a way I wish I was going back to school on the 5th, but I’m not. Not sure what I would study anyway. I am going to look into some evening courses though, find something to keep myself busy.

Am currently requesting time off over Christmas so we can go back east for the holidays – spend some time in Toronto, then go up North hopefully. Or the other way around, whatever works. Here’s hoping.

Feeling strangely melancholy today.