Do you believe we are all innately good?

I’m really struggling with feeling sorry for myself right now. That is to say, I’m feeling sorry for myself and pretending that I’m not. Except I’m pretty bad at that sort of pretending.

Friends keep moving away. I don’t have a lot of friends. Other friends keep saying they’re going to move here, then not doing so, to the point that I no longer think about the concept because it’s likely not going to happen, and even if it does it’s a far away thing. Except Ian & Kim who say they’re moving here this spring or summer. I think they’ll follow through.

Well anyhow. They have their reasons to move, and none of it has anything to do with me, but that doesn’t make me feel less sad. I’ve been feeling rather lonely lately, and this exodus is just adding to that. And so I sit here feeling sorry for myself. Soon it’ll just be me and Adam and Chris and Jinni on Friday nights. And Jinni refuses to play Munchkin.

Anyhow. I’m feeling sorry for myself. I suck at making friends. I suck at maintaining friendships. I’m terrible at parties and meeting people. I’m perpetually convinced that no one really wants to spend time with me because I’m boring or I’m bad at conversation or something. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

8 Comments

  • youenjoymyself

    February 17, 2007 at 2:10 am

    I can sympathize with your feeling sorry for yourself, Jen. Try to think of everything that you have though and it starts to go away.

    For the record, I always found you interesting – sometimes you were the only person in our office who knew what I was talking about!

    Things don’t usually get better until you believe they will, so try to focus on the positive and I’m sure things will change.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 17, 2007 at 5:36 pm

      Thanks… I’m working on it.

      For the record, I always thought you were pretty cool.

  • spadoink

    February 17, 2007 at 6:46 am

    who’s moving away? not Tara?
    you’ll make more friends. it will happen.

    heck, bebby’s party is only next weekend. more room for it there again.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 17, 2007 at 5:43 pm

      Tara’s going back to Ottawa. Her mom in northeastern ontario is sick and she wants to be closer to her, so she’s going to live in Ottawa and do her schooling there.

      I know it’ll change. Except the part about me being really uncomfortable at parties, that hasn’t changed in about 20 years.

  • msfancypants

    February 17, 2007 at 3:26 pm

    This morning, before I woke up, I had the strangest dream. I stopped at a store and was just getting out of the car and walking to the door when I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was you. You were in a cool parka and bucket hat and you had this sad look on your face. I woke up wondering what the heck you were doing here and feeling really really sad.

    ????

    I know you hate virtual hugs but I’m sending them anyhow.

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 17, 2007 at 5:54 pm

      Your virtual hugs are nice today. (Okay, it made me get a little teary… I must be sensitive or something.)

      Anyhow… Thanks. 🙂

  • mindexplodes

    February 18, 2007 at 6:59 am

    Is Munchkin that card game where the point is to stab your friends in a dungeon?! i wanted it for christmas but none of my friends will play it with me 🙁

    I too am socially aqward at parties , maybe it runs in the family? I really wish i could afford to come visit , but i’m in way to much debt right now. One day i will though i promiss!

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      February 18, 2007 at 6:28 pm

      Yes, that’s munchkin… it’s a bit like d&d but without all the pesky roleplaying. Super fun.

      And yes, you must come visit. 🙂