You can’t make me…

Lyra is asleep in my lap. This is normal. I’m starting to wonder at what point I give up trying to get her to sleep by herself in a proper sleeping space (i.e. not a carseat, which is our only success thus far) and just accept that until she’s prepared to, I am a walking human bed. I don’t even really mind that she wants to be with me all the time, except occasionally when I need to find food for myself or want to clean something in the apartment up. It’s actually more frustrating trying to convince her to sleep elsewhere, since she just cries or yells if I put her into her bassinet – no matter how long I leave her in there.

I even borrowed the playard bassinet from my mom’s house to see if Lyra would accept sleeping in that instead of her own bassinet, but it has the same effect – Lyra hates it and Dayle wants to curl up in it and sleep himself.

At any rate, I’m pretty close to giving up on it entirely until she lets it happen. Good thing I’m not going back to work any time soon. We need a queen size bed now… the double is too crowded with Adam, me, Lyra, Dayle and Sera all vying for real estate.

I started the diaper service today. They dropped off the diapers and a pail, with instructions on how this is supposed to work. Hopefully this will go smoothly. I’m pretty sure it works out to being cheaper than the 7th Generation disposables we’ve been using up until now, as well as the Gdiapers that we’ve also tried. If we had a dryer of our own I’d skip the service and just use cloth and wash them, but we only have the little portable washer. I could hang them to dry, but things dry stiffly on our balcony drying rack… perhaps not the most comfortable thing on Lyra’s behind.

Yesterday I discovered and cleaned out what was formerly a bag of potatoes. It had become an oozing, smelly pile of blackish brown goo in the cupboard, hidden behind a sandwich grill and some bags of rice. It smelled truly terrifying, and I got queasy trying to clean it up, but I got through it and now the cupboard is clean. A bowl of baking soda with essential oil in it has been absorbing the odour since yesterday, and I think it’s actually working really well.

I could use some company today, I think. I’d also like to clean the living room… maybe I can transfer Lyra to the car seat to sleep the rest of her nap. And chase Dayle out of the playard bassinet…

Six weeks and a day

That’s how long it’s been since Lyra was born. Today I bent down to untie my shoes after a nice long walk with her in the stroller, and remembered strongly how it felt to not be able to reach my feet at all. Pregnancy discomforts are starting to fade from my memory, though. My back is much better, my legs aren’t nearly as tired going up stairs, I can move normally again. Even my c-section incision is nearly all healed up. There’s a bit of lingering tenderness, but no pain anymore, and I can sit up from lying down again on my own power. The body recovers quickly, and the time goes by in a blink.

I’ve noticed something interesting about my tv watching habits since we got Telus TV. I’m a lot more conscious of when I have the tv on and what I’m watching. Before I would just watch whatever was on, no matter how lame or stupid it was. Now with all these channels I flip through the guide looking for something worth watching, and if there’s nothing I want to watch I just turn it off. It’s definitely good at 3am though, when I’m up with Lyra for an hour or more… before the only stuff on was infomercials. Now at least I can watch something that isn’t Dr. Ho in the middle of the night. It’s rather nice.

One thing I’ve found interesting… I was worried, before I had Lyra, that I might be prone to post-partum depression, since I’ve been through a pretty heavy depression before. I’ve been really good, though… I think after six weeks I can maybe say I’m in the clear for post-partum depression. I had that couple of days of baby blues and moody weirdness during the first couple of weeks, but that passed quickly. I’m really happy about that. I feel pretty balanced and happy.

Adam and Lyra are both asleep – he’s sitting up on the couch next to me, and she’s lying on a pillow in his lap. They’re so cute. I should take a picture but I fear if I stand up they’ll wake up.

sharolyn was talking about socialization earlier today, and starting a new life… today I started to really feel like I need to find other moms to talk to for the first time. Maybe in the next few weeks I’ll get myself out of the house to do just that, somehow – for myself, and for Lyra to have playmates when she starts to need them. Babies need socialization too.

There’s a lot on my mind today.

Meme (with pretty Michael Whelan artyness)

Your result for The Elemental Balance Test…

Balance

~ 63% Water ~ 59% Wind ~ 63% Earth ~ 52% Fire ~

And I know and I believe

There’s a way out to the sea of happiness

It seems your personality is in perfect harmony; your impulses are tempered with thoughtfulness, and your emotions are balanced with a healthy amount of reason.

In order to maintain that harmony, try wearing a Jade, a Chrysoprase or an Agate; all three enhance balance and stability, as does the Snowflake Obsidian that will help remain balanced during times of change.

In detail: You are more balanced than most people. Your Ground Chakra, (associated with the element of fire and representing our basic desires and driving force), your Creative Chakra, (associated with the element of earth and representing our need to preserve and grow), your Heart Chakra, (associated with the element of water and representing our sense of love and compassion), and your Throat Chakra, (associated with the element of wind and represents our desire to learn and communicate), appear to be on an equal footing with each others.

These are the results you will get if you score highly on…

None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony

Take The Elemental Balance Test at HelloQuizzy

Leaving the apartment is more challenging than it looks

I’m finding it very challenging to motivate myself to get out of the house on my own during the day with Lyra. The main problem I think is that I don’t really enjoy going out with no purpose – just going out to wander around seems like more trouble than it’s worth. I think I need to adjust my thinking and convince myself that I do have purpose for going out more than I have been (I haven’t been out of the apartment alone all week.) If the purpose is only to get exercise and prevent my going stir-crazy, then that should be good enough, right?

Maybe eventually I’ll meet people who live around here and have babies (and thus are home all day during the week) too. I really hate the process of meeting new people. Thinking about it kind of stresses me out a bit. I’m sure it’ll be easier if I actually go out and do it, but again it’s that whole motivating myself to go out thing haunting the issue.

I need exercise though, and I need to get out to prevent going nutty, and Lyra likes getting fresh air and being outside. Maybe that’s a way to frame so I’ll go out?

For now, though, I think I will try to nap. Last night was a lot of awake time.

Random thoughts and commentary

We’re watching Sunshine, and Lyra is sleeping in her chair (she’s been in there for an hour now, but I”m sure she’s about to wake up.)

Hmm. No sooner did I say that did she do just that, and now she’s asleep on me again. Maybe I’ll try putting her back in the seat again in a few minutes when she settles down…

Anyhow. I’m not feeling like watching a movie at the moment, but it’s better than obsessively hitting the stumble button on my browser.

My legs are feeling very seized up and tight, likely due to the lack of exercise I’ve been experiencing since having Lyra. Hopefully I’ll get cleared for exercise in the next week. I’ve been doing some stretches – it helps a bit. I’d like to get a bike trainer to do some biking in the apartment sometime soon.

This movie took an extreme turn from not bad sci-fi movie to bad slasher film… it’s all downhill from here.

Upon further watching of the film, it has gone seriously downhill. It has become abysmally bad.

Like magic…

It’s so strange… at four and a half weeks with Lyra, it feels simultaneously like she’s brand new and yet has been with us forever – like there was no real time without her. I can’t imagine home without her in it already.

Monday Morning: Fail

I had great plans this morning to get up at 8:30 (or just stay up after the usual 7:00 or so wake-up time with Lyra) and catch a bus over to Lynn Valley to go to a La Leche gathering. You know, my attempt at making other mother friends and being social and such. I was up at 7, and fell back asleep by 7:45, but not without setting my cellphone to wake me up at 8:30.

Phone went off and it took me a minute or so to figure out what the noise was. I switched off the alarm and immediately fell back to sleep. I woke up again at 9:07 and tried to be less groggy, but it wasn’t working out for me. Lyra wanted to be fed again, so I did that, realizing that I would have to leave by 9:30 to get to this meeting thing for ten by bus (just to be on the safe side.) 9:30 came by and we were still feeding. By 9:35 she was pretty done with food, so I set her down and tried to get dressed.

Unfortunately for me, Lyra flipped out and couldn’t be calmed down. I got dressed and brushed my teeth and picked her up to try and console her – she wasn’t having any of it. Apparently my putting her down to get dressed was not in her plans for the morning. She spent from 10 until 11 alternating between crying and fussing. There was no way I could get things together without her totally losing it again. Now she’s asleep in my lap again, which is preferable to screaming.

I’m rather hungry and need some breakfast/lunch, however. Maybe I’ll try putting her in the car seat for a minute and put the sling on so she can be close to me and I can still get some food… or am I just inviting disaster again?

Around the world, around the world

Cranky Lyra calms down and sleeps when we play Daft Punk for her. I guess some things carry over from the womb…

On Wednesday I broke down and went to Capilano Mall with Anne & Lyra to sign up for Telus TV. It’s going to be a couple of weeks before it’s hooked up – in the meantime I guess I’ll watch the Olympics (very fuzzily, since CBC comes in pretty craptastically on the rabbit ears.) The opening ceremony this morning was really good (to be fair, though, I slept through most of the countries’ athletes walking in, because I was desperate for just a little more sleep and that part was dull.) The choreographed stuff and the torch lighting was great, though.

Maybe I’ll start playing Final Fantasy VII sometime soon.

Adam’s been sick all week. He went back to work Monday and was sick by Tuesday. He stayed home yesterday, then went in this morning and came back within a couple of hours. This basically means that he’s avoiding both Lyra and I – he’s afraid he’s going to give his cold to us. I asked the midwife about it, and she told me that as soon as my body detected the illness it would have created antibodies in my breasts milk within about twenty minutes. How awesome is that?? Anyhow, to be safe, Adam hasn’t been picking Lyra up or anything, which has been tiring for me. However cranky she gets, however tired I get, however much I need a shower, I have to figure it out on my own for now. It’s been a bit frustrating at times, but I think I’m handling it okay. I’ve had a couple of people come by to hold her and entertain her for me so I can do other things, which has helped. For my sanity, however, I really hope Adam gets over this sickness soon. Also, for his health…

Lyra’s asleep in the car seat at the moment, and I’m playing Daft Punk and other similar style upbeat funky or techno music to keep her there for a while. If there was any question that this was Adam’s kid, that should nullify all doubts.

I’ve taken some more photos of her, but my CF Card reader broke. I need to get a new one – they have one at London Drugs, maybe next time I venture out for a walk I’ll stop in and pick it up. Stupid 6-in-1 card reader on my laptop doesn’t have CF.

Yesterday I took Lyra for a walk with spadoink‘s wife and dog. I’m trying to get out for good walks at least a couple of times a week. I walked down to the Quay with Ian on Wednesday, too. I have the baby in the sling when I walk for added exercise potential (and because it’s easier than the stroller.) I need to get myself in shape again. I’d really like a bike trainer I can use in the apartment… I miss biking.

Finding the groove

Yesterday was the first day for Lyra and me at home alone together – Adam’s back to work. I haven’t really got this figured out yet in terms of finding the balance between taking care of Lyra, taking care of myself, and finding ways to entertain myself. I haven’t even vaguely thought about how to develop some adult relationships outside the apartment. I’ll probably start taking Lyra out for walks in the park every day, I’m told that’s effective. I might also find out what sort of drop-in programs they have at the Rec Centre two blocks up. Plus there’s the La Leche meetings that I learned about during our prenatal classes.

I’m interested in seeing how I handle getting out of the apartment to stuff like this without a car. A lot of stuff should be within walking distance, fortunately.

To be honest, I’m still working out how to make myself lunch around Lyra’s schedule. Here’s a good thing, though: she’s asleep in the car seat right now, and I got her to sleep in the bassinet for at least 20 minutes today. Hopefully she’ll stop needing to be in physical contact with me to sleep soon. That’ll make things easier.