Lyra-vid!

A new video of Lyra playing with her Daddy. She was trying to eat his brains, I think. She might be a Zombie.

Also, I need to adjust microphone volume. She peaks it out way too much.

Perhaps I am evil…

So oki_v2 arrived here around noon. I had somewhat forgotten that he was coming up for a visit, and when my friend Brooke called me yesterday afternoon to find out if I could go for a ride, I was all excited and got a babysitter for Lyra (since Adam had to work) and said yes.

Poor, poor Oki.

Anyhow, Oki arrived at noon. I offhandedly asked him if he wanted to go for a bike ride with me. I’m pretty sure his mind went ‘recently had a baby, should be fine’ and he said “Sure!”

Oh yeah, I’m evil.

J came by to watch Lyra, then Brooke arrived and we tried to fit three bikes into her little CR-V. Somehow we managed, and Oki followed us in his own car down to the Inter River park. I had assured him that we were going on a beginner shore trail – the Richard Juryn Memorial trail, to be precise.

It starts with a nice mellow ride up. Oki doesn’t bike, so it wasn’t such a mellow ride up for him. Poor guy had cramping legs on the first uphill bit. Later there’s a hike-a-bike, then you get to ride down through some mildly technical rooty and bumpy bits, and then a gravel path out. I’d say he performed admirably considering he’s never mountain biked before, and I put him on a hardtail to start. From what I saw he never totally bailed, although he did run into a tree or two, and fell forward onto the bike frame once or twice.

Easy on the shore is still fairly challenging for those who don’t ride.

As for me, it was my second ride on that trail this week. My uphill stamina was much improved, and I was fairly confident on the downhill… and I didn’t even have armour on! I am kind of achey now though, used muscles that are out of shape.

Now Oki’s on his way back home. He left around 9pm. Crazy lad… it’s going to be a long drive back, and if I’m achey he’ll be downright sore.

Yep, I’m evil.

Bedsharing

We’re sharing our bed with Lyra, for a variety of reasons. One of these is quite simply the fact that we have chosen to do so as parents. I’m happy to share the rest of our reasons upon request, if anyone is that interested. The above link has some good articles on the subject.

I’ve had a few people (all of them dads, now that I think about it) tell me to hurry up and get the baby into her own bed, because they still have their child crawling into bed with them in the mornings as toddlers. I haven’t said much in response, really, because right now I don’t feel as though that’s a problem. This is my daughter, my family, and I don’t feel as though I need to separate my sleeping self from my family life.

Some of my favourite memories as a child are of sharing a bed with my mother. There were nights I would climb into bed and sleep with her (my dad was either on night shift, or sleeping in a separate bedroom for various reasons.) My mom and I would talk about all sorts of things, from the frivolous and flippant to more serious conversations, and I always felt welcome there. I sincerely think a large part of our close relationship when I was growing up was due to those times we shared that are often considered ‘private time’ or something – sharing her bed, or sitting in the bathroom talking to her while she took a bath. I remember these times with a lot of happiness.

Lyra doesn’t like to be alone, for reasons unknown to those of us who are not babies. Or maybe it’s just natural for a helpless being to realized that if it is alone it is potentially in danger. Because let’s face it, we are animals too. This was half of the accidental reason she started sleeping with me. The other half was because it was so hard for me to get in and out of bed for the first month after the C-section.

I kept believing that maybe we’d get her into the bassinet for sleeping at night. I’ve moved on from this thought – I actually really enjoy sharing our bed, now that we have a system figured out. I’m also working on getting Lyra to nap in the bassinet during the day – it is becoming more successful with each attempt. But I no longer want to move her into the bassinet at night. I’m happy to start her in the bassinet, and move her into bed with us when we go to sleep, and we’re starting to reach that point.

So back to the admonition from other people – "Make sure you move her out of your bed AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" I don’t want to. I don’t need my bed to be a private place where no kids are allowed. As for physically intimate time with Adam – once I’m more interested (wow, does breastfeeding ever lower your libido! But that’s another subject altogether, perhaps for another post) we can find a place and time without that much trouble – especially if Lyra is sleeping in the bassinet in the early evening, or for naps. I’m so tired by the time we go to bed that even if we did have it to ourselves I wouldn’t want to do anything then anyhow.

Right at this moment, Lyra is sleeping in the bassinet for a nap. I’m focusing today on convincing her to sleep in there, using some extreme patience and letting her know that I’m here and she’s safe. She’s been in there for half an hour now, waking up in a little bit of a panic about six or seven times so far, but allowing me to calm her back down to sleep. This is a small success for me. If she can nap in the bassinet, I can work on things that require two hands, like writing and cooking and laundry.

So in a few years when Lyra’s got her own room and still wants to climb into bed with mommy & daddy, will I be frustrated by it? I don’t really know, but right now, I can’t imagine feeling that way. I don’t equate bed exclusively with privacy, or with sex, or anything along those lines. Maybe for some intimacy with their partner can be rediscovered by keeping children out of their bed. I think I’d rather find another way to redefine my relationship with Adam. I really am heading towards writing about that next, aren’t I?

Yesterday was a bust…

Today will have to be better.

My biking yesterday got cancelled because my biking partner had to pick up her sick daughter from daycare. I was disappointed, but obviously would have the same priorities.

Unfortunately for me, I had been really counting on that bike ride to get out and energize myself, clear my brain, and have some me time. When it didn’t happen, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, exhausted and lost.

On the other hand, I knew that I had some other exercise to look forward to. A couple of weeks ago I signed myself up for a Fit for 2 mommy & baby bootcamp, twice a week at the rec centre around the corner from me. It was to start this coming Monday.

Last night, I got a call from the rec centre. Apparently, not enough people signed up for the bootcamp, so it was being cancelled. I had the option of transferring to one of the other ones at other rec centres, but they were either on the wrong day (I have one day a week I need to be at home in the early afternoon, and that’s when it was) or they were at a rec centre that was not particularly close. I opted to get my money back, and as soon as I was off the phone with them I felt like I was mentally and emotionally wilting. Naturally, at that moment Lorne, Anne and Owen arrived for dinner.

I was rather proud of myself for signing up for a bootcamp type thing. I was also scared, but felt good about it. It was to be twice a week, an hour each time, and because it’s a mommy/baby thing, Lyra was going to be part of it and go with me so I wouldn’t have to cancel due to babysitting problems or whatnot. Plus, being a paid class I would make myself go. I can’t seem to do that with the gym – I feel aimless and unmotivated to just go to the gym and use the machines or whatever. Plus, I can’t do that during the weekdays with Lyra – I don’t think they welcome babies in the general workout rooms. Oh yeah, and my rec centre gym membership expired last February.

These two disappointments in and of themselves wouldn’t normally be that bad. I can go biking on another day. I can find another fitness class to take with Lyra (athough there aren’t that many.) But this week has been rough on my psyche. It’s started pouring rain, which is to be expected in the Lower Mainland in November. I have only left the apartment to go for coffee and come home, maybe twice times since Monday. I got my recovery time in from last week’s being out so much, but I’m oversaturated with inside time now. I wasted the two nice days I had weather-wise this week staying in and cleaning the apartment, which, to be fair, needed it. The problem is, I needed to get out. I didn’t. Today I will have to do something, but I don’t know what yet. I should call one of the other moms I know and see if she’s willing to go for a walk in the rain.

I need an excuse to test the new jacket I got that fits over Lyra while I’m wearing the sling. And I need to find some sanity.

It’s just one of those days

I am frustrated, exhausted, and have a headache. Also I have too much to get done right now and not enough free hands. Lyra’s currently on the floor on her play mat, but she’s been there for about ten minutes while I put away laundry, and is likely to get cranky and loud at any moment. She’s already complaining.

Yesterday was the first day I had to recover and relax from visiting family. I rather wanted to just sleep in (hah!) and maybe just relax and play games all day, but there was other stuff I had to get done around the apartment instead. I managed to get some of it done, anyhow – some laundry and the kitchen (although then I went and messed it up by having lunch. Stupid lunch) and a little bit of tidying up, but not nearly what I wanted to get done. I was just too exhausted to finish everything, and I knew I’d be home today to work on some more. Which I am. So now I’m putting laundry away and starting at least one more load, and doing the kitchen again from dinner last night, and just generally tidying up the living room. Plus I’m trying to clean up the bedroom too, which looks like a tornado hit it.

To be honest, I’m just feeling frustrated and flustered and I keep getting annoyed that I have to stop in the middle of everything I’m trying to do because Lyra needs changing, feeding, playing with, naps (which this week have only worked when she sleeps on me, which is the most frustrating part of all.) So I’m kind of irritated and headachey and while stuff’s getting done, it’s a very slow process and I can’t see my way to the end of it yet.

On top of that it’s lunchtime and I need to figure out what to eat, and make it. Might as well leave the kitchen clean-up till after lunch, I guess – that way it’ll all get done at once. Oh yeah, and I need to do some pumping of milk so I can go for a bike ride tomorrow.

On the upside, there is a single deciduous half-way up Grouse Mountain in amongst the pine trees. It’s turned bright orange – a weird orange spot against the deep green. I had to pull out binoculars yesterday to identify what it was… it’s pretty. I do love fall. I should be outside enjoying this nice day, it’s going to be miserable tomorrow I think. Maybe later, if I get stuff done and it’s not dark yet.

A few more halloween photos:

So this halloween was pretty low-key. Adam’s mom & grandmother were visiting, so we went to the apartment they had rented for the week they were here and just had some snacky foods for dinner and sat around laughing a lot. It was entertaining. No kids trick-or-treating since it was a weird apartment thing, but we still dressed Lyra up in a costume and took photos (of course.)

Here are the rest of the pictures:

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