Last Day!

So it’s official. Today is my last day before I take a leave of absence for a month. I just have to write up a note to my boss saying “I will be taking an unpaid leave of absence from X date until X date. Yay!

Is this better than quitting? I don’t know… hard to say really. We’ll see by the end of the month, I guess. I think the main reason they pushed for me to take a leave rather than outright quit is because they can’t afford to replace me right now… it would be hard to find someone internally, I think. But I really don’t know anything…

I wanted to do lunch with Jay today, since I have to eat out and no one else here does. I hate going out for food by myself. I called Jay, though, and he didn’t answer his line. Chances are, he’s already gone out for lunch. *sigh* I don’t want to go out by myself. Fneu. (Yes, I’m whiney today.)

Hooray for ibuprofen!

My headache appears to have lifted. Praise Advil. It’s very white outside, since it was snowing most of the morning… it seems to have stopped snowing now, or at least the flakes are considerably smaller. I don’t have much interesting to say… we’re supposed to go downtown today, and now that my head is no longer throbbing, I feel up to actually going. Now just to motivate Jay….

Moving ahead. Maybe.

I woke Jay up last night before going to bed. We talked for a while. Both of us know where each other are standing right now.

Woke up with a headache. Today is a packing day. I’m going to work on the bookshelves, then when we run out of boxes we’re going for a walk to find more. Have to stop by the bank, too. I wish we could just move today. I’m so impatient about some things, and so Not impatient about others.

Must locate my advil. Maybe I’ll turn the cam on to watch me pack.

Unhappy

fneu. I hate this feeling.

An anniversary and a new job

Damnit. I hate when I hit the minimize all button, and it deletes what I’m typing in my LiveJournal update program. It’s really annoying.

I’m a bit wine-happy right now. I imagine I’ll be getting sleepy soon, it seems that wine does that to me. Jay & I went out to Antoinete’s tonight. Antoinete’s is an italian restaurant, my favourite restaurant in Toronto. Antoinette makes all the food. It’s now pouring outside, occasional claps of thunder and flashes of lightning making me wish I had bought a new power bar.

So anyhow… today is the day that Jay & I have officially been going out for one year. I remember last year, when I first started seeing him, when friends told me that I would be over him by Labour Day Weekend at the end of august. And when it wasn’t, they decided that it would definitely be over by the time the snow flew. Cynical people. Here we are, still together, still living in a space smaller than most people’s living rooms, still getting along, still loving each other’s company, still not hating each other, still not doubting that this isn’t right. This has always felt right. I don’t think people understand that. I don’t even know if I understand it, but I’m not going to question it. I like him, he likes me, we’re still a silly happy couple, we display affection in public, we tell each other that we love each other and really mean it….. beyond all my frustrations about various things, this is what keeps me holding on to it all… We’re happy, and we care very deeply about each other. How weird is that??

I’ve never been one to believe in forever. I’ve never had examples of it to show me that it really exists. Happiness and balance has always seemed to come at some cost. I have also never really believed that there was a ‘One’ for someone… I still think that there are a few people that everyone is really compatible enough with to make something that lasts, and if you happen to find one of them at a point in your life when you’re prepared to deal with it, then you’re incredibly lucky. I think I’m lucky. I know I’ve messed things up in the past, and I know that there are opportunities that I’ve missed before that could have been something, but I wasn’t ready for it so they went away. Somehow it worked out that when I was ready for it, something happened. I feel somehow fortunate because of that.

I know the frustrations will pass. I also know that if they didn’t, I would eventually act on my own frustration. I’m just very very patient and I understand it, I guess, when it’s too hard to deal with the world. I spent a few years not dealing with the world myself. I didn’t have too many people around me who cared all that much, and those who did, never really knew what was happening, or didn’t know what to do about it. I don’t know any better than anyone else, but at least I know I’ve been there, and I remember what it felt like. I don’t know if that makes any difference or not… maybe it just makes me patient.

Or maybe it’s just that I know that there’s something worth waiting for. And I know that I won’t wait forever.

So anyhow. We’re happy. So there, cynics! (not that any of them read this, but hey.)



In other news, I had my first day of the new position at work today. It was interesting, it was different, the air conditioning was broken and it was hot. I spent most of the day learning what the guys I work with do, exactly. I imagine I’ll be helping them out, since it’s not really that tough and it’ll go faster if I’m helping them out with it. Otherwise, I’ve figured out that when information is missing, it’s my job to email the people who should have the information, and get it from them. That’s not so tough, I guess. I wonder what else I get to do?

I’m supposed to go on a business trip in August. I’ve never been on one before. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m nervous, all at the same time. I don’t feel grown up enough for a job that requires business travel! This is just too weird!! I think I like it though. I should get a credit card between now and then. Hmm. So much to do.

Date night on a humid evening

Going out on a date tonight with Jay. The weather is all hot and sweaty and icky. I hate humidity like this…

Adding to the Darth Vader shrine

The world seems nonexistant today. There’s no one around on ICQ or IRC. There’s no one hanging out in my building’s back yard. I’m sure if I left the apartment and went out to the street, there would be all sorts of people, but for now it feels as though it’s just me, the cat, and a groggy Jay.

Jay was up all last night trying to mediate some sort of argument between people in my CS clan. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning and asked him why he hadn’t come to bed yet. I was a bit upset, because when he’s up all night, that means he’ll sleep all day (or most of it,) and Saturday is one of my days off (the other being Sunday, now that I’m not working retail I have a normal work-week.) I don’t like spending my days off by myself when I could be doing stuff with him.

So anyhow, I woke up and asked him what was going on. He told me about the argument and how he’s been working on fixing it or something, and then he asked me who’s in charge anymore. I thought about it for a minute and realized that, with the main guy who used to sort of be in charge acting so weird lately, it’s pretty much fallen to Jay. It was a dumb argument, too. Ahh well, at least it wasn’t my job to fix it. I haven’t been up for much mediating lately.

I’m still in a bit of shock over the new job… not that I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but just the fact that I’m not quite sure exactly what I’ll have to be doing, and I know that the last person to do this job got fired for doing ‘outside projects’ on company time. I almost feel like I have to walk on eggshells for a little while because of that. But hey, as of Monday I’m a Project Co-ordinator, and I’ll have my own cards and phone extension and everything…

AND! the bestest thing about yesterday (followed closely by X-men, which was a great movie,) is that I finally found my Darth Vader Pez dispenser for my Darth Shrine at work!! Yay!!!!! (it’s always the little things that make me happiest…)

Things are maybe looking up

Hmm… it’s Wednesday. We’re going to look at another apartment tonight. Jay’s getting some freelance work online. My job is more interesting than it used to be. Things are looking better.

I talked to the landlord last night. He was frustrated, since I think he told the other guy that we’re trying our best to find a place, and he didn’t want to give him bad news. Anyhow, talked to him about the rental market in the area and such for about 15 minutes. Then the guy who wants this apartment phoned and we chatted for a while – he is leaving for Hong Kong for 3 months or something in late July for work, which is why he wanted to move in early. The place we’re looking at tonight might be available for mid-july. We’re going to ask them. It’s a two bedroom. We’ll have a computer room!! That would so rock. And we could put the twin bed in there when we buy a bigger bed for the two of us, so we could have guests (and a place to put them.) And we could have a housewarming gathering! And I could go shopping at Ikea for new furniture with Jay’s Dad!! (Someone would have to go with me who has a vehicle, and Jay’s dad loves Ikea as much as I do… Jay isn’t fond of the place… I think it’s because it’s shopping on a very large scale.)

Having tea & a bagel. well, the bagel is done, actually. Did some more writing for the ISS department. I’m really hoping that goes somewhere. I’m sick of digitizing, I really truly am.

Apartment hunting, in spite of thunderstorms

Well, I actually went & phoned Jay. Looks like he’s sleeping. I don’t think he slept well last night, he was awake when I fell asleep, and awake when I woke up this morning. I left a message for him, I hope he checks it. He’s still lurking in IRC though… I wish he would put in his nick somewhere that he’s napping or something. That way I’d know not to keep trying to get his attention.

We’re going out for a walk tonight to look for apartments, depending on the thunderstorm we’re supposed to get. I love thunderstorms though… I really do. 😉

I’m always responsible

Still more of my writing is up at I have a secret in the Secret World section. I’m liking the forums a whole lot too.

I played counterstrike tonight for the first time in ages. I wasn’t horrible, and I didn’t freak out. I think that’s a good thing. Heh… maybe these pms pill things work? I dunno.

So I’m on a mission to rent Pirates of Silicon Valley. I realize that it was a TV movie, but since I don’t watch TV or have cable, I didn’t get to see it. But hey, if Anthony Michael Hall is in it, it has to be good, right??? Umm… get back to me on that.

I’m winding down from CS. Then I’ll go to bed. Maybe read a bit of The Last Unicorn or Flyboy Action Figure comes with Gasmask. Watch Jay play some CS.

I wish he had a job. Can I not be the responsible one for once in my life??