Damnit. I hate when I hit the minimize all button, and it deletes what I’m typing in my LiveJournal update program. It’s really annoying.
I’m a bit wine-happy right now. I imagine I’ll be getting sleepy soon, it seems that wine does that to me. Jay & I went out to Antoinete’s tonight. Antoinete’s is an italian restaurant, my favourite restaurant in Toronto. Antoinette makes all the food. It’s now pouring outside, occasional claps of thunder and flashes of lightning making me wish I had bought a new power bar.
So anyhow… today is the day that Jay & I have officially been going out for one year. I remember last year, when I first started seeing him, when friends told me that I would be over him by Labour Day Weekend at the end of august. And when it wasn’t, they decided that it would definitely be over by the time the snow flew. Cynical people. Here we are, still together, still living in a space smaller than most people’s living rooms, still getting along, still loving each other’s company, still not hating each other, still not doubting that this isn’t right. This has always felt right. I don’t think people understand that. I don’t even know if I understand it, but I’m not going to question it. I like him, he likes me, we’re still a silly happy couple, we display affection in public, we tell each other that we love each other and really mean it….. beyond all my frustrations about various things, this is what keeps me holding on to it all… We’re happy, and we care very deeply about each other. How weird is that??
I’ve never been one to believe in forever. I’ve never had examples of it to show me that it really exists. Happiness and balance has always seemed to come at some cost. I have also never really believed that there was a ‘One’ for someone… I still think that there are a few people that everyone is really compatible enough with to make something that lasts, and if you happen to find one of them at a point in your life when you’re prepared to deal with it, then you’re incredibly lucky. I think I’m lucky. I know I’ve messed things up in the past, and I know that there are opportunities that I’ve missed before that could have been something, but I wasn’t ready for it so they went away. Somehow it worked out that when I was ready for it, something happened. I feel somehow fortunate because of that.
I know the frustrations will pass. I also know that if they didn’t, I would eventually act on my own frustration. I’m just very very patient and I understand it, I guess, when it’s too hard to deal with the world. I spent a few years not dealing with the world myself. I didn’t have too many people around me who cared all that much, and those who did, never really knew what was happening, or didn’t know what to do about it. I don’t know any better than anyone else, but at least I know I’ve been there, and I remember what it felt like. I don’t know if that makes any difference or not… maybe it just makes me patient.
Or maybe it’s just that I know that there’s something worth waiting for. And I know that I won’t wait forever.
So anyhow. We’re happy. So there, cynics! (not that any of them read this, but hey.)
In other news, I had my first day of the new position at work today. It was interesting, it was different, the air conditioning was broken and it was hot. I spent most of the day learning what the guys I work with do, exactly. I imagine I’ll be helping them out, since it’s not really that tough and it’ll go faster if I’m helping them out with it. Otherwise, I’ve figured out that when information is missing, it’s my job to email the people who should have the information, and get it from them. That’s not so tough, I guess. I wonder what else I get to do?
I’m supposed to go on a business trip in August. I’ve never been on one before. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m nervous, all at the same time. I don’t feel grown up enough for a job that requires business travel! This is just too weird!! I think I like it though. I should get a credit card between now and then. Hmm. So much to do.