And I think to myself…
Excerpt from my paper journal, earlier today
“I don’t know why the harder I try the harder it comes…”
Maybe it’s time to stop trying. Maybe it’s time to just do.
On stage on Sunday, (was it only last night?) I knew I wouldn’t be perfect. I knew I was going to fuck things up, and I just did it anyway. It was the most liberating feeling in the world – it suddenly just didn’t matter if it wasn’t perfect, and it became real. I loved it, every second of it, including my fuck-ups. They were real. And it felt better than any sort of sex or drugs or food or games or play that I have ever been a part of. It was better than any trip on Ecstasy, and there was no physical danger aspect to it.
I’m so addicted. I want more. Not until my cold is gone, but I want more. I want to live this. This makes me happy like nothing else ever has.
I wonder why it’s taken this long for me to realize that? I guess it’s just fear. Fear affects everything that I do or don’t do. And it’s not like I can stop being afraid… no, I just have to do it anyway.
I think that will be my new motto.
Do it anyway
If it feels right, but you’re terrified, do it anyway. If you really think it will be fun, but you’re scared you’ll make a fool of yourself, do it anyway. If it means the world to you, but you’re scared that people will hate you for it, do it anyway.