There is no highspeed available for us. We’re on the wrong side of the street. My computer hasn’t got a modem and isn’t anywhere near the fax line (which is the line that net is used on) so I will not be online on my own machine until we move out.
We went to Toronto new year’s eve day and spent the evening at Adam’s grandparents house. Probably among the most low-key and depressed New Year’s Eve ever… not that I was depressed, but considering the fact that Adam’s grandfather will be dead within a week or so and can’t get out of bed and the rest of the family is going completely insane around him, it made for a strange night. I would rather have been asleep than there, to be completely honest.
We drove back to Liskeard from Toronto New Year’s day. Yes folks, that’s five and a half hours driving on Tuesday followed by six hours of sleep then five and a half hours driving on Wednesday. And we get to do it all again on Saturday and Sunday! How exciting!! I won’t even get a chance to call any of my friends or anything.
I miss my family’s Christmasses of piles of gifts that were accumulated over the year and wrapped up by mom, and sitting around the living room with Royal Chinet dishes for Christmas dinner and watching my mom and her sister fight over who’s going to open the last gift. I miss being spoiled, and I miss finding perfect gifts for people I’m close to.
Ah well… looks like some package has arrived for me at the post office. Probably from my Stepmother. At least I got a little bit of cash from my mom and Nanny for Christmas, maybe I can buy myself new boots or something. Except the idea of buying myself something practical just makes me incredibly sad. I don’t have enough for anything I’d really like to get myself, though, so whatever. I just can’t remember the last time I actually got something that I really wanted and was just for me… Probably when Jay bought me my SLR Camera back in 2000.
My mood today won’t last for long, I’m sure. But while it’s here, I may as well acknowledge it or something. I think the inability to get DSL has just been the last straw. I now officially feel completely isolated. My computer has no purpose beyond getting me online, so I don’t even know why I bothered fixing it anymore. I should’ve just left it fucked up. Not that it matters, all my email is just spam and billing anyhow, except a message from Cal. Thanks Cal, you rock.
Oh yeah, and I guess it’s a new year. Whatever. I’ve never thought of New Year’s as being a big deal before, so I don’t think it’s all that important this time around either. It’s not like I can begrudge a dying man his wish to have his family huddled around his bed at new year’s, at any rate, and nor would I want to. Except I’m the only tagalong girlfriend/non-family-member type who gets to enjoy it with the crazy family. What, me, isolated?
Really, though, I’m fine, and I’ll be fine. I’d just like to take this little while to feel sorry for myself, and I’ll go back to being my relatively normal self shortly. Probably around the time that Adam gets out of the shower. At least I’ve got access to a car, even if there’s nowhere to go with it.
I really should get boots. Blah.