I spent part of this evening working out our finances in regards to making payments on my outstanding student debt. It’s not a lot of debt, but piled on top of everything else it’s going to be very rough for a while, I think. Especially once we take on Adam’s student debt repayment, which we promised we would do after the wedding. Well, it’s after the wedding now, time to get on that.

A little bit at a time and it will all go away, right? Only just long enough to add some more debt, I think. It’s enough to make me pretty depressed, really. Am considering getting a second job, since we can’t afford the car to go out and do stuff anyway, I may as well fill my time up with work or something. At least then maybe someday I could have everything paid off, and possibly consider going back into debt so as to have a family.

My entire life that’s been the one constant thing I’ve wanted – to have a family of my own. You really do keep putting it off and putting it off, thinking that maybe someday you’ll be in a position to consider it. Now is never the right time. The problem is, I think, it’s never been even close to the right time with me – I’ve never really not been struggling against or towards something. It would be nice to let my guard down for longer than a day or two.

Adam’s health is declining again, so he’s getting upset and worried and stressed again. I am going to crack soon if this keeps going for much longer. He has an appointment with a specialist (finally) but it’s not until November 22nd. That’s right, the BC Health Care System comes through for us again. Over a month wait time.

If I ever get really sick I’m going to maroon myself on a tropical island and eat coconuts until I die. The wild birds and fish will give me better care than the health system.