Yes, I lack the energy/dedication lately to update. I apologize for this.
Yesterday we went riding in Squamish with the group that might make up the final group going to our Big Trip that we’re doing in August (the CPAWS fundraising trip to the Southern Chilcotins, biking for five days.) I had a pretty good ride, once I got over being scared of slippery things. I was kind of slow on the uphill, however, which I find a bit frustrating and discouraging. I’m just not in as good shape as I could be, or should be, and I’m really worried that I’ll be an anchor on the trip, and everyone will get annoyed with me for being slow.
My downhill riding was pretty good, though. Adam fell off of a cliff and bruised up his ass.
After riding in Squamish I went to Pemberton with Chris, Lorne and Adam, where we camped out for the night next to the Lillooet River. There was a house party going on a couple of kilometres away in the valley, with an outdoor sound system and a live band. They played until sunrise I think. Also, our air mattress (car camping means air mattress) somehow popped open during the night and deflated very slowly, and our pump was locked in Chris’ car so we just let it be. I would have been fine to sleep through the noise, but Adam was not, and he spent the night tossing and turning. Unfortunately for me, because the air mattress was only really half full of air, every time he moved it launched me up into the air and woke me up. An unpleasant sleep was had by all in our tent.
We got up the next morning and upon realizing that we had locked our bikes to the car and forgotten to acquire the key for said lock from our friend Sean, headed to the local bike shop. They handed us a hacksaw which we cut through the lock with.
The rest of the day was spent pushing our bikes up a long gravel road to the top of a big hill, and then riding down. I rode a few rock rollovers okay, then wiped out on one on my second try down it. Stupid slippery root made my tire go sideways, and I landed hard on the rock. My left thigh is very sore, bruised and abraded, and my left middle finger is sore (but not too bad.) I got kind of freaked out after that and pretty much walked the rest of the trail out.
We came home after that from Pemberton. Adam freaked out a little over me being so frustrated with being slow and such. I got upset and frustrated over him being frustrated and me being frustrated, and much frustration was had by all. It’s partly due to lack of sleep, and partly because we’re both in a bit of pain from wiping out, and partly because I’m conflicted about being not in good enough shape, and really hating going to the gym which is the only thing I can come up with that might get me up to par.
I really, really hate being slow. I don’t feel slow some days, and other days I’m gasping when everyone else is a good half a kilometre further up the hill than me. It makes me annoyed with myself. Unfortunately I seem to tie my self-esteem into these things, where I know I could accept that I’m not as strong or fast as the boys are.
I think before I accept that I’m slow and weak, I will try to put some effort into training. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never enjoyed working out or going to the gym or dedicating so much time to physical activity. This is going to be kind of difficult for me, and I am going to need some moral support. I already feel overwhelmed.