… and little time with two hands to type it out.
Nursing Lyra has given me a new insight into the fact that I am an animal. I have no qualms nursing her anywhere, any time (except in a moving car, and that’s just because she’s strapped into her car seat.) This includes restaurants and stores, the sidewalk, sitting at the bus stop, on the bus itself – literally anywhere. I nurse her anywhere, and I’m completely comfortable with it. The best is when small children (almost invariably little boys) come up to see what’s happening. It’s quite sweet, really.
The other part of the realization that I am an animal is just the awe I feel at the fact that my body is producing exactly as much milk as she needs, on demand. To be fair, I’m very lucky in that breastfeeding came so easily to me, and now it’s second nature. She knows what she’s doing – we both have it pretty well figured out. I can almost feel when she needs to eat before she starts giving the signals. I’m as much an animal as a cat with kittens. I can try to intellectualize it as much as I want, but when it comes right down to it, I can’t possibly explain. It just is.
Tonight I’m trying to get the bedroom clean. It hasn’t been cleaned since before Lyra was born – it’s probably been three months. That’s unfortunate, and I think starting to drive both Adam and me crazy. Part of the problem is that we have too many clothes, and not enough closet space. Sadly, I’m still in my maternity clothing for the most part – I won’t fit back into my before-pregnancy clothes for a while, but some of the maternity stuff is just too big. I’m in this insane transition where very little fits me, but I’m not willing to get rid of the pre-preggo stuff, and I can’t exactly go out and buy a new wardrobe when I’m working on dropping back down in weight. I’m actually only about 7 lbs off now, but it’s all in the belly I think, so pants are not fitting, and shirts I used to wear accentuate the floppy belly I got from pregnancy in a kind of nasty way. As for maternity shirts – some of them fit fine and look okay, but some of them just make me look chubby. It gets annoying – I know there are clothes I could get that would make me feel comfortable with myself, but I can’t justify buying a new wardrobe.
In other news, Adam put money aside for me to get a bike post-baby… so I now have a new bike! I’m super excited, can’t wait to get out and do some riding. I found a used Santa Cruz Nomad that fits me and is outfitted in great parts, as well as being super well maintained. I hope to start going out for short rides to get back in shape and see if I can still remember how to ride a bike.