Yesterday was beautiful

Yesterday was filled with snippets of beauty (in spite of a grumpy moody husband, oddly enough)…

A jogger paused at the edge of a monument in a park to show his respect before to those who died in the wars… it was a silent, moving moment that I felt lucky to have experienced.

I spent time on the phone with my father-in-law reaffirming the fact that I really love him, and miss living there some days.

Scrappy and I ran through the blueberry bushes together in the afternoon sun. Running in a field with a dog is the epitome of freedom. Watching him swim and haul himself back out of the water to shake as close as he can get to you is the epitome of dog.

We walked along the dyke with Mom and Merv and Chris and Mom’s friend Lisa. A large bird flew over us with a fish grasped in its claws. I made my way through grass that was taller than I am searching for a photo. I saw many slugs. All of it left me calm and happy.

All of that made missing the street festival all right. I don’t like crowds that much anyway.


Today the bike home from work was the easiest it’s been yet. I got home, we had dinner, and I went back out to fencing for the first time since the end of March. To be honest, I was pretty nervous about it – I’ve forgotten many things, I was afraid I’d be so out of shape that I’d fall down and give up during warm-up, and I was afraid to re-meet the people I had sort of started to know before disappearing. I still don’t do so well in large groups, especially not when I feel out of my element, which happens when I’m attempting to learn something completely foreign to me like a martial art.

I’m apparently in way better shape now than I was back in March – I didn’t feel like dying immediately upon finishing warm-ups. The only problems I really had were keeping my arm up (swords are heavy, yo) and remembering how to do lots of things. A good experience, all in all.

Plus, I met a woman who looks, talks, and has the same kind of attitude as Trasie. I kind of want to chase her down and make her be my friend, but I know things don’t work that way. Perhaps I will see her again, and maybe we will get along, and all that sort of stuff. Sometimes I really miss that kind of friendship in my life – it’s been lacking since I’ve been in Vancouver. It’s so hard for me to reach that level of comfort with people, and it doesn’t help that I get insecure about my “friend features” if you will. Do I qualify, will they like me? Man, sometimes I’m so third grade it’s just sad.

Barring that, though, I am feeling quite good. Tomorrow I will be stiff and sore for certain. Tonight I have energy and I feel happy.

And again I cop out

No fencing tonight, although I had planned to. I feel like crap, have a headache and cramps, and I’m moody as all hell. Plus, this is the first night this week I think we’ve had to ourselves, and I really want to stay home and enjoy it. Plus I have a bunch of photos to update with the Picture a Day project.

I had a double espresso latte this morning for breakfast. I was wired for a long time. Now I am just tired out. I still have the ride home up the hill, which was easier last night than it has ever been. I’m thinking about selling off the Wee Giant and putting the money towards a commuter bike of some sort instead. Alternately I could just put slick tires on it and lock out the front fork as much as possible, but ultimately it’s still a mountain bike, and a commuter bike would be nice for riding in town. After all, I have the Kona for mountain biking.

We may or may not go riding this weekend. We may or may not go see a movie this weekend. We have no plans at all this weekend, actually. That’s nice in a way. I can play Drakengard, work on pictures or the website or whatnot, and sleep in.

Chances are we’ll make plans at some point, though. We always do. Boredom does not go over well with me.

Up to date

I haven’t been in a mood to write much of anything for at least a week now. This is mostly due to a lack of inspiration, really. I’ve been pretty busy the past couple of weeks, but just haven’t felt like writing.

We helped artyste move in to his new place here in Vancouve last weekend, I think(hope) he’s starting to settle in a bit now. After taking my little brother out mountain biking a couple of weeks ago he immediately decided to buy a bike, and we went out bike shopping with him last weekend. He’s got two picked out that he really likes, and will probably pick one of them up this week sometime. We shall see which way he goes. I haven’t seen a lot of Tara this week, she’s been busy with school and work, and she also moved (conveniently she’s sharing an apartment with Arty. Hopefully they don’t annoy the crap out of each other.)

Last Sunday we did a Kayaking thing with Adam’s work down at Jericho beach. It was fun, and naturally I took photos. The Picture a Day project isn’t quite up to date yet, and nothing really exciting in there. Hopefully will catch up soon. I’ve started messing around a bit with RAW for fun. We shall see how that goes.

Yesterday I got a haircut. I’ll post a picture as soon as I get one. It’s pretty cool.

Today we drove out to Squamish again to go mountain biking with Lorne and Chris (who rented a bike again.) We had a lot of fun. I only just got the squished bug out of my eye, however. Stupid bugs. Many hours of mountain biking has left me thoroughly exhausted and ready for bed at 9pm. It’s still light out. Yikes.

I am also craving sweet, smooth chocolatey goodness. I think the best I can do right now is a chocolate milk, however. I think that’s what I will, in fact, do.

I really want to get back into fencing. Must make time for this – choose a day and just go already. I think I’ll cut back my visits to the gym down to once a week instead of twice, and replace that with fencing, because otherwise I will become resentful of losing my afterwork evenings. I need to keep some for me just to relax and do nothing, or sit on my computer, or work on photos or the website or necklaces or whatever else I really want to get done.

Resentment is not a becoming trait in a JennyLee.

About the Ultrasound

That was a painful experience – not the ultrasound itself, but the fact that I had to drink a litre of water two hours before the ultrasound and then not pee until after it. Water goes through me very, very quickly – within a half hour of drinking that litre of water I had to go, badly. And I still had over an hour until the appointment. It was truly, truly horrible. I was pretty sure near the end there that I was going to lose control completely. I think the fear of doing so was the only thing that kept it from happening. As it was, I was pacing around the waiting room and had the shakes accompanied by a cold sweat. Please may I not have to go through that again any time soon.

The ultrasound technician said she didn’t see anything in my kidneys, so I guess no stones for me. Since the pain has pretty much dropped off now anyway, I won’t worry about it. Not much point in worrying.

So now I’m trying to figure out if I can afford to go back to fencing. I’m reaching the conclusion that if I want to ever own a new computer, then the fencing is going to have to be dropped. I was lucky that I bartered for the first while, but I think that’s pretty much run out now, since their site is done and up (and much nicer than the old site, if I do say so myself.)

I think I want to work on some self-portraits sometime in the near future. But not naked ones this time.

Picture a Day, Photo Journal, and the Gym

The Picture a Day Project is updated. I added two more pictures to the Photo Journal as well, since I had them.

It seems that my photo gallery currently has 2098 photos in it. Ummm. I don’t wanna take any down, but my hosting charges are going up. I must ponder this extensively.

Today I went to the gym again (as I did on Thursday.) I’m mostly just doing cardio, since weights scare me, as do many of the large scary people doing said weights. I’ve started going to the gym with a guy (G) from work, but he knows about as much about such things as I do (if not, less,) so we’re both kind of useless. I hope to remedy this in the near future. I did, however, do some crazy Cross-Country run on the cross-trainer machine that was a half hour long and very, very tiring. After that, I did not bike home – instead put my bike in the back of G’s car and he dropped me off at home. Biking the hill would have been too much this soon, considering I only started biking today. Plus, I started to feel that sharpness in my shoulder that’s connected to my lung problem (whatever it is) and I didn’t want to push it.

Maybe I’ll start keeping a paper journal of what I eat, how much I’m exercising, and how much weight I’m losing/gaining/maintaining – since I’ve started trying to lose weight and all.

I wonder if I have to start paying for fencing lessons when I go back? Meh. Will deal with that when I start going back, I guess. In the meantime, check out their pretty new website (that I had a big hand in doing) and especially go watch Zombies!!

And now I shower.

And another evening spent at the friendly Lion’s Gate Hospital – for me this time

So I went to the walk-in clinic near my work this afternoon to find out about my shoulder and back pain and breathing troubles. He told me that my lifestyle isn’t active enough (biking to and from work, hiking on weekends, and working out at fencing twice a week is not enough activity? Dumbass.)

I figured that maybe going to fencing tonight would be all right, so I packed myself up at 7:30 and headed out for the 8:00 class. I arrived and did a few low-impact stretches and warm-ups, thinking that I’d know if it was too much. I didn’t do any of the more difficult stuff, like the running and push-ups and crunches and backwards push-ups and so on. After about twenty minutes of low impact stretching and such, I decided that it wasn’t going to work and I should go home. I started to pack up my stuff and was about to head out the door when the spasms kicked in.

For the next half-hour I was in agony, enough that they called an ambulance for me (I couldn’t get myself off the ground or the couch, and I could hardly breathe at all.) I remember at one point having so much trouble breathing that I started to panic – that panic that you get when you can’t breathe, when you’re not getting enough air. You feel it sometimes when you knock the wind out of yourself. It was that, only so much worse.

One of the instructors sat on the floor with me and helped me focus on breathing. It was the only thing I could do while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. The pain was nearly unbearable, but I still managed to bear it. For I don’t know how long, all I did was focus on him and breathe in through the nose (more like gasping) and then out through the mouth. If he hadn’t been there I may well have hyperventilated. As it was, I couldn’t think at all.

The paramedics arrived and were very nice. They took all my stats and said I didn’t have anything wrong in that sense, which was a relief. They then offered me laughing gas and brought up the big tin – I tried so hard to get some off the inhaler, but I just couldn’t breathe deeply enough to do it. I was sad, I really wanted the laughing gas.

I had handed someone my phone and told them how to call Adam (he’s my emergency dial, if you hold down the 5 it auto-calls him.) He was on his way to meet me at the school. The paramedics told me that they could take me to one of the hospitals in Vancouver, the closest of which were very busy and I’d probably end up waiting forever, or I could go with Adam back to the North Shore and go to Lion’s Gate. That made more sense, so off to Lion’s Gate we went.

The wait at the hospital emergency was the shortest we’ve had ever. Adam wheeled me in in a wheelchair, since I was in too much pain to walk or move or do anything but gasp, really. I had take some advil before the paramedics arrived, but it had yet to do anything.

I checked in with the Triage Nurse and we probably waited not much longer than an hour to get called out of the waiting room. We spent another hour in the treatment area, where the nurse took lots of info down and the doctor came by and examined me. He figured it was muscular, but took a urine sample for my kidneys just in case. Upon listening to my lungs, he told me they sounded fine.

The urine was fine, so no kidney problems. I got a prescription for Naprosyn (maybe?), Flexaril and Tylenol 3s, and he recommended physio. I should go back to my friendly physiotherapist down the street from when I wiped out last summer. He was nice.

Oh yeah, they gave me a shot of Morphine with Gravol, which is the only reason my back finally stopped spasming on me. I’m feeling a bit floaty and stoned. At least I am at home and I should be able to sleep tonight, unlike every other night this weekend.

I don’t think I’ll make it in to work tomorrow. But don’t worry, I got my Picture a Day on Adam’s cellphone camera! (Yes, I really am that obsessive.)

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Instead of fencing last night, I came home and took care of Adam, who hasn’t been well the past few days (not flu/cold/etc., but a flare-up of one of his ongoing health problems.) Unfortunately he was hoping it would be better by today, and from what he’s told me since I got home, it’s not.

To make up for missing fencing last night, I went to tonight’s class. There are things that are starting to make sense for me now that previously were incomprehensible – I consider that a good sign. However, I seem to still have problems with moving both my feet and the rest of my body all together properly. I either remember the feet and forget the arms, or vice versa. I”ll get it at some point, things will just *click* like they did with guitar, I’m sure.

I walked around testing the fencing class’s acoustics… Oh man do I want to bring a guitar and sit and just play and listen to myself sing. I could be so … loud. In that way that’s so very cleansing, that way that I haven’t been in forever. The way that makes the cats think I’m upset. Oh catharsis how I miss thee…

I’m trying extremely hard to not get frustrated with Adam’s recurring health problems. Their timing, in this case, have the potential to impact us in ways that I don’t like to think about. He’s just got a new part time (one day a week) position at work that pays better for that day than what he makes at his usual job, and this could soon lead to something else… like say a real-paying job. The kind that would balance us and give us the ability to actually move forward instead of the incessant treading water we’ve been doing for the past while. If, however, he starts missing a lot of work again due to these issues, not only would it affect his emotional health (he’s an active guy and hates being unable to move,) but also his potential to move up in his job.

So yeah. I’m trying not to think about it because it seems a bit selfish. I guess it is. I want him to be well. I want him to succeed at work and feel useful and creative and productive. I want him to be making more money than me so I can take the pressure off myself for a while. And so that I can think about replacing this computer, and Adam getting a bike, and maybe actually being able to go out riding with me.

By the way, the Picture a Day is updated, and I added some stuff to the photo journal from our hike on Sunday, including Continue Reading

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I’m thoroughly exhausted today. Now that I’ve biked home up the hill, exhausting myself more, I will change and go out to fencing class.

Tonight there will be sleep like death.

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Today’s PaD is up – a self-portrait of me with a pointed stick. The fun part was setting the camera and running out onto the floor to grab the sword and attempt to pose properly before it went off.

Seriously, by the time I was taking this picture, my arm was so tired the last thing I wanted to do was lift a sword. Hence the incredible intensity on my face as I attempt to hold it up one last time. Also behold my sweatiness. If you want a good workout, sign up for swordfighting classes I tell you. I have rarely, if ever, worked so hard.

In fact, I think I will go stretch a bit more before I go to bed, so I’m not completely useless tomorrow.

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Four hundred and fifty-five dollars later, and our car supposedly no longer leaks buckets of water into the trunk and all across the back seat. The shop still has the back seat, as it was so soaked that it was dripping water a day and a half after they had removed it from the car. They’re going to try and dry it out over the next week. I’m hoping that they are successful.

Now we have to figure out what to have for dinner.

I opened a new bank account today for the sole purpose of taking online payments and email money transfers. Now I just have to set up my website so that I can sell things. I need more time.

Speaking of time, I’m going to play with swords tonight.